Apology NOT Accepted
by Narya's Bane
Summary: Wraith Squadron post Solo Command story, featuring Kirney Slane. Wraith knowledge a must to continue. Apologies are not necessary. Sometimes, all you have to do is admit a mistake was made and then move along to find what the future might hold.
1. Apologies

by K. Lee Brown (Narya's Bane)

the usual warning applies: I own nothing here, except the possible story line. at this point, I plan on pretty much all characters even belonging to someone else, and I only hope I can do them justice.

Summary:: Myn and Gara/Lara/Kirney have long deserved to find a way to be together. Most who've read Solo Command know how unfinished it seems to have gone…

Until you see, in Betrayal, a small reference to Donoslane Excursions.

What is the journey that takes us to that point? Well, here is one humble fan's thought…

-- --- --- --- ---- --

_I wish I was like you_

_Easily amused_

_Find my nest of salt_

_Everything is my fault_

_Ill take all the blame_

_Aqua seafoam shame_

_Sunburn with freezerburn_

_Choking on the ashes of her enemy_

_- Nirvana, "All Apologies"_

Kirney Slane focused on the feel of her shuttle as it coasted along a particularly calm airway. While she missed the exhiliration of high speed, deep black maneuvers, it felt good to simply play the lanes and slide. It was an entirely different kind of thrill- one she quite doubted that any of her previous identities could have really appreciated. Her eyes closed briefly, and she could sense every motion of the ship beneath her as it glided on the jetty. Then, sighing, Kirney pulled on the controls and lifted out of the wonderful wind.

"All right, Kolot," she whispered mournfully. "Time to go home."

The ewok peered over with very human eyes and considered the pilot. Then, with a toothy grin, he played at a joke that never failed to make Kirney laugh when she was having a rough moment. "Yub yub, Captain."

Kirney tossed a truly Imperial glare back at her furry copilot, but he just continued to give her that expert smile until she cracked up. By then, Kolot had already taken control of his prosthetics and was readying the ship for a gentle landing. Truthfully, he managed the controls with only slightly less dexterity than his human counterpart- and spoke Basic just as well as she, these days, albeit with a very cute accent. Usually, he used his vocal prowess only in practice, or to calm the captain when she had one of her strange "episodes." Kolot was amazed how much strength a single stupid phrase could have: it could take away faith from a person who had nothing, or bring a human back their hitherto unrecognized will to live…

It truly had been touch and go for a few days in the beginning, though Kolot was sure he hadn't understood at the time. Now he found the memories chilling. Kirney had been practically unharmed by her last fight, just bruised, yet for almost 24 hours after they'd found her she was in a strange daze, didn't recognize anything or anyone. So, after taking the former prisoners of Zsinj's facility to a safe location, Kolot and Tonin had taken the necessary days to try wheedling their pilot friend back to herself. And when she emerged, surprised to be alive, it was only natural that she should come to Corellia.

Almost a full standard cycle had passed since then. Kirney had sent out two communications directly after arriving on Corellia and asserting her new identity. There had been a shuttle to find, and this one in particular had caught Kirney's attention. She always said it was the speed, the cleanliness, and the special modifications. Tonin often hinted to the ewok that there might be something in the name:

"_Talon's Revenge_, requesting clearance to land." Kirney's voice was still spry and steady, but there was a slight hitch whenever she announced her ship that made Kolot suspicious that Tonin may well be right. Then again, the modifications truly were perfect for their work, and the name had come with the shuttle in the first place.

Kolot watched the pilot, knowing that planetside Tonin would do the same. Today she seemed calm, and even chipper, with a slight smile pulling at the sides of her mouth. There was no reason not to be happy, Kolot mused: they were safe, and fed, and the shuttle needed no work. Kolot could stay on the ship safely, and Kirney could go get some food, and they would all be together this trip home. No worries.

Once groundside, Kirney and Kolot went to cooling down the _Revenge._ The fuzzy hands worked aptly beside Kirney's human form, though for the moment the woman was faster. They were just cleaning up when the door to the shuttle opened and a characteristic blat called to them.

"Just finishing up, Ton," Kirney assured, turning to the excited droid. "Calm your cables, your highness." Both nicknames were fairly new, one evoking memories of comedy and the other of a squadron she could not go back to. Kirney shivered briefly, but soon ran a hand through her short, red hair and sighed.

"Kolot- can you take care of the rest?"

"Yep yep."

Kirney smiled and addressed her friend, the only one who had stayed with her. "Well," she began, "what do you have for me?"

Squeek.

"How many comm. calls?"

Beep.

"Sithspit! Did you check for holomarketers?" 

Splat.

"Ok, just asking. Core, aren't you droids tetchy!"

Whistle.

"Of course, I'm only joking Ton."

It was amazing. Not two standard cycles ago, Kirney would have dismissed the whistle as nothing but the mixed up ramblings of a stupid machine. Now, she felt the whine like it was a voice, and it had more understanding than some humans the woman could mention.

Finally, she had to ask the question…

"Anything from the Republic?"

A mournful whimper this time, and Kirney decided to drop it. She knew that Tonin wished for a reply to the more personal message Kirney had sent last year, to a certain pilot who'd been part of Wraith Squadron. Kirney, however, was curious about the aftermath of her OTHER message, which had received a few hits already…

Kneeling beside Tonin, watching offers for cargo, Kirney let her mind wander to that other encoded message and its aftereffects…

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

"This message is for Leiutenant Corran Horn, Rogue Squadron. From Kirney Slane, acquaintance from Corellia. Corran- it's been a while, I know, but I was hoping you might be a doll and help me. See, some ghastly thing has happened and I have to restart the business…"

Corran looked at the screen oddly, thinking hard about what he was seeing. Surely this wasn't Lara Notsil, confiding in him somehow? But the resemblance was uncanny…

"I know your wife works for some very interesting people. I had hoped you might convince her to put in a good word for me among her—clientele. Maybe get me a few random runs coreward. If it's not to much to ask. I know we don't know each other well, sir, but I would be remiss if I didn't say you have impressed me- and your reputation speaks for itself. I appreciate any aide you may be able to give me. Slane, out."

Corran looked at the screen another second before responding with a shrug. With his Jedi training, he had picked up nothing from her but a fear and determination while in her presence, which was little enough to go on. Yet as a CorSec trained investigator, he could go beyond those skills and read her face far beyond that basic understanding. She was as genuine as he'd seen her, and actually quite calm if not hopeful. This was certainly the same Lara Notsil he had met when the Rogues had first joined their Wraith brothers, only moreso.

Corran considered the options and finally decided to simply decode the message.

Kirney was looking for more than simple work. He knew that much immediately. From the mention of his wife, he had first thought that Slane might be looking into smuggling, but then he considered that those runs were not Mirax's most interesting.

The most interesting times were when Mirax worked for Cracken.

Interesting.

Corran took a moment to think about the possible threat to the New Republic. Was his hunch in this matter enough to go on? Perhaps no, but it had served him well in the past. Truthfully, he simply didn't get any deception from her words, only simple uncertainty. Besides, it might be that the best place for her was in Intelligence, where it would be easier to keep an eye on the strange agent who had changed loyalties in what appeared to be a swift manner…

No. Corran realized he didn't believe that for a second. He knew it was something that had plagued her, aggravated her… she'd probably even cried about it once or twice, he thought, thinking of other Intel types he'd known…

But this wasn't going through Mirax. On the other hand, Mirax (Corran was sure) was just a way to get the message across. Why the young girl had chosen to confide in him, Corran had little idea… he only hoped that, right now, he didn't let her down.

With great deliberation, he thought of what to put in the letter that he had to write to Iella and how to explain why he trusted someone the New Republic probably wanted to imprison on contact and kill later.

----- ----- - -- --- ---

In retrospect, the revelation that Cracken already had "Lara Notsil" on his list of future contacts should not have been quite so strange. Kirney watched the last of her offers with feigned interest, thinking back to the reply she had finally gotten…

"We have had you in our sights all along. Did you think that our agents were blind? We simply thought to keep you at an arm's length, see what you would do. And in the end, wasn't that for the best? You were our wild card- but now you are out of the deck. We will gladly help you out, Miss Slane."

Cracken had sent a male agent to her for a day, and together they had solidified the final quirks in her persona. Now, she was able to run a very clean business and had what seemed a history from years back… though the person she was existed for only a single cycle. Her data chits were all but legitimate, and in return she simply did runs for NRI whenever they needed a calm, cool front to what they were doing. Well, maybe that wasn't everything: Kirney was keenly aware that her every move was documented, and most likely monitored by the moment. She rarely left the immediate system, never knowing if her action would be seen as "shady" and her privileges (and therefore identity) revoked.

Still, she had her freedom. Mostly.

A toot shook Kirney from her revelry.

"Right. We have to pick one, don't we."

The toot got more excited.

"Calm down, Ton! What's going on?"

And then a final twittle, and Kirney finally noticed that the small direct holo-link in the corner had activated. She moved nearer the device sitting down before hitting the activate button…

Good thing too, once she saw the Face on the other end.

"Kirney Slane, I presume? I'm…sithspawn!"

Kirney forced a smile and raised her head. "Well, at least you've admitted it. First step towards recovery, isn't that right, old friend?"

"I'm sorry. I'd…forgotten that you were so versatile Miss Slane." The shock didn't last long- that was good, Kirney thought. It meant there was possibilities for them getting along.

"I see you remember your good classmate Syrn. I was afraid time had made me look too old."

"No more change in you than me," Kirney answered truthfully. "I know we didn't part on the most pleasant of terms."

Pleasant terms indeed! Kirney let a small frown come to her face, and closed her eyes fast against the torrent of memory. Last time they'd spoken, truly spoken, he'd revealed her as a former Imperial Agent- and, worse, one of Zsinj's operatives and a possible traitor. The mistake of announcing this over a squadron communiqué had nearly gotten Kirney, in her guise as Lara Notsil, shot down by one of her best friends!

Then again, fair was fair. When he'd realized the mistake, "Face" Loran (now communicating under the name of Syrn, apparently) had gotten between "Lara" and her would-be-assassin and nearly gotten himself vaped instead. No hard feelings there, Kirney decided- best to let sleeping nerfs lie if they would.

"Perhaps not," Loran admitted sheepishly. "Still sorry about that."

Kirney waved his apology away. "Water under the bridge for chums like us, Syrn. But to what do I owe the pleasure of this rare call from the Poster Boy?" Somehow, Kirney felt it best to sneak that in- showed she still considered herself part of the squad. Using it proved the right answer: strain she had hardly seen in the actor's face had melted away as she said it.

"Was hoping me and some old friends could drop by. We've got ourselves into a pretty interesting situation…"

Kirney smiled. Ah. She'd heard the Wraiths had been taken into NRI, but hadn't figured they'd communicate with her directly at any time. Apparently, Face hadn't been briefed on who his contact was either, or he'd not have slipped in the beginning at all.

"I'd love to have you. Need a ride?"

"Oh, if it's not too much trouble. You know how I hate to fly myself. Quite dangerous out there."

Kirney raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment. "Hmm. I suppose I can come by. Send me coordinates?"

"Gladly."

Uh-oh. Kirney thought about his quick acceptance of sending the coordinates… that meant that he was somewhere that she could get to honestly from Corellia as a civilian. And quickly. And pick up some wayward intelligence ops without it seeming very strange.

What in fires had the Wraiths gotten themselves into now?


	2. Shoulda

Hmmm- don't seem to be a lot of Wraiths here. Or maybe they're just being kind, not telling me how horrible my work is? Doubt that.

At any rate, for my amusement or someone else's, I submit…

Chapter Two- Apology Not Accepted

-- ----- ----- ------- -------

_When you said those three words _

_I kinda freaked out _

_When you said them first my jaw hit the ground _

_I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you _

_And this can't be saved if you can't be found _

_You hung up and left me for dead on the ground _

_You didn't even say goodbye_

_Hinder, "Shoulda"_

Myn glanced out at the dark of space from snug in his x-wing. It was interesting, the view of the galaxy you got from the seat of a snubfighter: like you're alone in the world, and nothing can disturb you. Sometimes it was a curse, and at other times a distinct blessing. Myn wasn't sure which it was today. Perhaps just neutral, just a moment to push beyond the past year…

Losing Lara… no, not Lara, but if not Lara what was the name?… had hurt. Even now he wasn't sure if he was over her "alleged" death. Myn said alleged, because somehow he got the feeling that she was still around somehow.

When Wedge brought back the message that the woman was dead, it had killed something deep inside Myn. Even so, the newer pilot had realized that even without that part of his life he could go on. They had only just started testing the waters, after all, and while it hurt it could go away in time. Even so, Myn didn't want to think of how many messages had been automatically deleted from his unit while he refused to talk to the outside world.

This time, though, it had been healthy. He had mourned for a few weeks, and come back at the other end a (mostly) complete human. In between, some of his squadron mates- both new and old- had coerced him into the land of the living enough to satisfy themselves that he was NOT going to spiral back into some horrendous void.

Myn could almost chuckle about that now. As if he would have preferred the void to vaping enemies?

He was almost to the base now. It was just barely visible in the distance. Once there, he would chat with the other Rogues and laugh like usual, because he was indeed a human being. Wes would probably find some prank to play (possibly on Donos himself) and everyone would love laughing at it.

Just another day for a Rogue.

It was good to be home.

-- -------- ----- --

Kirney let Kolot do the preflight, then considered what the best thing to do with him might be. He was certainly capable of handling himself with the Wraiths- might even make a friend from Piggy- but, in the end, was it the best thing to spring her unusual copilot so soon on her former squad mates?

Kolot finished the count down and then turned, meeting the assessing eyes. "Look not good," he summed. "Kirney think to leave ewok joke behind. Kolot not think so."

Kirney blinked. "Oh?"

"Kolot knows he is funny, you know," the ewok insisted. "I can be good."

Kirney sighed. "It's not you, Kolot, it's my friends I'm not sure about. They're liable to think you're nothing but a gag."

"Kolot is gag. Joke that became real, remember?"

Kirney smiled. Well, there was one problem solved. "I remember. Thank you."

Kolot considered his friend and copilot, then asked a question that had been in Kirney's mind as well. "Kirney won't have episode around old friends, will she?"

Kirney signed, but had to admit that it was a possibility. Her "episodes" had led to a few interesting moments in the midst of trade agreements. Not that she didn't know who she was then, but that the entire galaxy seemed to slip from her grasp and she was incapable of understanding herself. It happened once in a great while, and appeared to have no real trigger. Maybe stress…

Kirney cleared her throat and finally answered. "I don't think so. Haven't had one in a few weeks now. I'll have to be very careful- but there shouldn't be any problem."

"If you say so."

Tonin let out a beep that seemed to echo that statement, and that was the end of the conversation. Soon, they were in the air on their way to the planet Aleen.

----- ----- -----

Meanwhile, on Aleen…

Captain Loran, current leader of Wraith Squadron (New Republic insertion unit), exited the comm. station in a mighty thoughtful manner. Dia Passik, his twi'lek lover and squad mate, watched him exit and immediately moved forward to put her arm in his. "Something happened," she stated calmly. "Did you get through to the contact?"

Face nodded. For being a wit extraordinaire, he was quite pensive for the instant. Dia pressed.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Face shook his head slowly, then scratched his chin and amended. "Maybe."

"What is it, then?"

Face looked around the busy spaceport, busy with people coming in for the races. It had made the squad's infiltration and mission that much easier: they slid in easily, one and all, to become true shadows in the crowd. It seemed Aleen, and perhaps in fact almost a half-dozen other planets, might well slide right out of Imperial rule by warlord. This being a commercial center to the galaxy, it was prime territory…

Face wondered if it was just a substitute, since the New Republic knew that Corellia was locked up tight for the moment.

Right now, though, his musings were taken by the thought of a petite blonde pilot who had trained as a Wraith and later had to run as an Imperial spy. How would the others react? 

Might as well start now. Nobody was watching closely, and there was noise enough to hide the comment in Dia's ear: "Our contact is Lara Notsil."

Dia pulled away, as if she'd not heard the whisper right. "She's…dead?"

"Looks mighty pretty for a dead woman," Face supplied. "Though not as pretty as you, granted."

"Flattery will get you almost nowhere."

"Almost?"

Face's eyes twinkled, and the twi'lek sighed in defeat. "You and your dirty dreams," she grumbled half-heartedly. But indeed, her cover as a speeder repair woman on a racing planet meant she had few enough clothes on, and what she did wear was designed tight so as not to be dragged into any engines. Face himself was dressed in the splendor of a true Imperial holovid actor, and stood out slightly. Together, though, they seemed just one of many gritty liaisons on the planet. Tourism and escape was the business, and anything could be found.

Even a bunch of NRI agents.

"Going to tell everyone?"

"I'll have to," Face insisted. "Don't want them finding out when she comes to get us." Then, scratching his chin, he thought again. "Or do I?"

"Come now, Captain. I'm sure there will be enough to deal with, without only learning her identity when she opens the door."

Face had to admit that Dia was right, and rewarded her with a full kiss. In public, she deepened that embrace and left her exotic scent on her commander's lips. They continued hand in hand to where the other Wraiths were due to meet in a few hours for a briefing on exit clearance.

And what a briefing it would be!

----- --- --- ----- ------

Thrawn paced back and forth before a picture window, coolly weighing the options.

"She could be an asset," he said aloud. "Perhaps it is worth sending a unit to process this Gara Petothel."

Nearby, a man drew himself from the shadows and saluted the Grand Admiral.

"And Planeth?"

The figure fell at ease, stepping away slowly so as to hear the last words…

"Don't take too many pains. If you must, simply eliminate her and be done with the business. She's only one operative, after all, and the worth is hardly worth any real fuss. It would be a color most perfect in our plans… but not instrumental."

And with that, Planeth left the Grand Admiral's presence and went to his personal shuttle that he might find the Gara Petothel.


	3. 1000 Words

_Time manipulates your heart, _

_preconceptions torn apart _

_Begin to doubt my state of mind _

_But I wont go down on what I said _

_I won't retract convictions read _

_I may perplex, but I'm not blind _

_So take all this noise to your brain _

_send it back again _

_I'll bear the cost shed my skin, _

_call you up and then..._

Savage Garden, A Thousand Words 

WARNING: FLASHBACK. DREAM. THE PAST. YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANYTHING HERE, FOR IT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED.

Kneeling on the starboard S-foils of the New Republic X-Wing, finishing the programming that would enable Tonin to come back to his usual personality, Lara hadn't thought the galaxy could get better. It had seemed that things were stable- though it didn't hurt to take precautions. Perhaps, someday, her cover would be blown. On that day, she would be ready.

"Activation code: Tonin. Aldivian colloquialism. Definition- Little Atton. Stop."

The words appeard on the screen bright as day. (( Activation code confirmed. Tonin. Aldivian colloquialism. Definition- Little Atton. ))

Lara smiled. "Now, if anything happens, we'll still be good friends, eh Tonin."

(( I like that idea, Lara. ))

Lara still wondered why she had felt comfortable confiding in the little droid. It shouldn't have felt so right, this absolute trust, but somehow Lara knew she could trust the unit. She smiled. "I'll have someone get you down in a minute, okay Tonin?"

The beep that answered confirmed a world of patience, and Lara turned her back. Slowly, she slid down the edge of the snubfighter and nearly stopped dead: Myn Donos stood in plain view, grinning slightly.

"Could I have a word with you?" the pilot asked, extending a hand to her.

Tentative, Lara had accepted, though she was wary. His voice was formal, but that wasn't anything new. He was almost impossible to read. Perhaps he'd found out her secret..?

"Of course." Lara had tried hard to keep her voice casual. They were probably going to be chatting like friends- like squadmates, Wraith to Wraith. Lara shunned her inner paranoia. Myn had shown nothing but the utmost friendship.

Because he doesn't know, Lara reminded herself as she was helped into a position on the floor and deeper into the shadows of her s-foils. He doesn't know that I wiped out his entire command, that I was the one responsible for the death of Talon squadron… and his resulting dementia, that would have gotten him kicked out of starfighter command if not for Wedge's timely creation of the Wraiths and Myn's uncanny ability with a sniper rifle.

**_Myn doesn't know that I was Gara Petothel_**.

In the shadows, Lara kept cool and lifted her eyes towards Myn with an innocent smile.

"There's something I wanted you to think about."

"What's that?" That was perfectly natural. No hurt to her voice, just honest questioning.

"Me."

Lara chuckled. Advice, he wanted? From her? "Rebel pilots have the biggest egos in all the known universe…" Then she let her voice die. Had she just said REBEL? Oh no. That was a piece of Gara, though a mistake that Gara would never have made…

"Well, it's not like that. I'm asking you out of a sense of fairness. Since I'm spending all this time thinking about you."

Somewhere in Lara's head, two figures began to fight for supremacy. One had dark hair and was laughing, and the one with light hair blinked profusely. Lara herself just felt her heart sink.

He's sweet on me. Emporer's Black Bones, he's sweet on me. I killed people he knew and led, and he's sweet on me…

"Myn, I'm not amused."

She didn't even hear the next bit he said. Her mind was racing, thinking of her time as one of Trigit's intelligence liaisons. Her breath came short, and her head pounded, reminding her just how uncertain she was of who she really was. Unthinking, she took a step back.

"No, no, no. Just turn around and go find someone else to be interested in. I'm not right for you."

Not right at all. If I told you anything real about myself, I'd have you gunning for me. And with your aim, I don't think I'd last a minute.

"Oh, that's a very good sign?"

**_What, that you'd shoot me quickly?_** Then realizing he couldn't hear her inner dialogue, Lara continued with "What is?"

"You didn't say 'Go away, I don't like you.' You started suggesting reasons that are theoretically in my best interests."

Lara thought quickly. She did like him, but it wouldn't work. She had, by not choosing the best words, given him hope. Time to mend that. "I DON'T like you." But it came out half-hearted, uncertain. Like she was trying to convince herself.

"Now you're lying. You do that a lot, just like Face. I'm getting better at figuring out when you're doing it. You can't get rid of me by lying to me." As he said that last line, he drew in close, boxing Lara into a mental corner. She blushed and did her best to break free, knowing it was impossible. It was as good as being against a wall, here beneath Kell's fighter. She didn't really want to move.

Lying had always been part of Lara's strong points. To superiors, to her subordinates. To herself. Perhaps that is why she had, for a time, been able to convince herself that she really was a farm girl from Aldivy: she could tell herself anything. What would she do when her words made sense to everyone else but her?

"I'm a mess," she finally managed to get out. "I'm barely fit to fly."

"Me, too. We make a perfect couple."

**_You have no idea._** Someday, he would get find out. Someday, he would know the truth… "If I don't get killed, I'm sure my career is going to crater. I'm going to be a tremendous disappointment to the Wraiths."

"How about that- me, too! Another thing we have in common."

It was sweet, it was endearing. It was frustratingly cute of him. It made her mind spin, and she could hardly think clearly. Gara- Lara- Chyan- Kirney- each of a dozen personalities or more were creating an impression of this moment, weighing in…

"STOP IT!" Lara was surprised at how loud her voice could get, how much she could get out in that moment. It felt liberating, and at the very least it seemed to get Donos to look away. She noticed his gaze going elsewhere, and took the moment to school her features into a perfect vision of an Imperial Intelligence Agent. She knew it worked, because when he turned he seemed to fight not to turn away again.

Lara used the moment to deliver a thought that had played in her head hundreds of times since she had realized Myn Donos had commanded a squadron she had helped to eliminate.

"I could say twelve words, and when I was done the very least you would do is turn away and leave me alone forever."

Twelve words: I delivered information that directly led to the destruction of Talon Squadron.

She could probably do it in four, she realized: I am Gara Petothel.

Myn seemed shaken, but his next words disarmed Lara completely. "Then don't say them."

Someday, he would want to know, Lara thought. Someday he would find out. He would learn the truth, and he would never forgive her. Her eyes focused on something far away as she thought about that. Right now, he didn't want to know the truth, but that couldn't last…

And suddenly his arms were around her, and his lips pressed to hers. She let out a moan, a cry, surprised and dismayed that he still wanted her. Yet she couldn't help but respond, he was so passionate. Simply taking control, he had captured her, and she melted; arms raised to take hold of him, of something. He was here, he was real, and an anchor for reality. A glimmering light, a promise that maybe- just maybe- she could really be Lara…

Lara pulled away gently, curious. Would he accept this?

"That's more like it," Myn said.

**_Plant your triggers deep inside your mind_**. This wasn't real. She wasn't Lara, and couldn't let herself give in. She had so much to be wary of, she couldn't do this! If she got involved with Myn Donos, and THEN got found out, he would never forgive her. She pulled back and let her face get pouty. She had to make this about HIM, not her and her secret. She searched for the right words, and finally found them.

"Thanks, for reminding me what a gasbag of ego you are."

She pulled him hard, until he was against the wall and she before him. She gently pushed him towards the wing of Kell's interceptor. and ignored the resulting exclamation of hurt. She kept walking, spitting the words out as volatile as possible. "Stay away from me, lieutenant. Just keep away."

As she moved back to her own quarters, Lara vaguely thought she heard whistling, but didn't stop to think about that.

She got to her room and was thankful that Tyria wasn't there for the minute. She crashed into bed, eyes wet, and cried out the pain and frustration. Because, truthfully, she DID like him. He was a dignified mess, a true gentleman, and a barrel of fun. He anchored her into reality, and she had an inkling that she brought out the best in him. And that was how she fell asleep…

-- -- --- ----- ------- ------

A proximity warning drew Kirney out of sleep, and out of the nightmare. No, not a nightmare, but a memory. She sat up in bed, a wan smile taking over her features. She wandered to the fresher unit and took a good look at herself.

There was a Corellian saying that if you did not recognize the person in the mirror, you should think to when you lost yourself. It almost made the Intelligence agent laugh. She could hardly remember the last time she was the person whose reflection looked back at her. She had never truly known the person in the mirror. So what was she?

- A wild card in the deck. - - The answer was obvious, yet not so.

Kirney had rarely played sabaac, as a rule, but the few times she had been coerced into the game (as her own self, not a role) she had cleaned out the other competitor's pockets in just over an hour. It was nice to truly understand the unspoken language of the table, to sense every tell and remember every card played. She was a natural at the game herself, as she had quickly realized the cards didn't matter so much as the acting.

"You don't play your own hand in sabaac," one of her teachers had explained so many years ago. Or was it truly her father? She couldn't remember who it was, but she remembered their insistence. "You never play your own hand. You play the hand of everyone else at the table. And the stack in the middle."

Kirney considered much of her life to be a game of sabaac. Only she had to be careful, for if another player had pure sabaac they would take not only all the chits played that hand, but the pieces she had slid into the center in hopes that her identity would be safe. She had to be careful: only NRI knew who she was, and they would not help her if she got in real trouble. She didn't exist. She was simply the White Lancer- no other identity for her existed.

She sighed, splashing water on her face and going to the bridge of her shuttle. Kolot was there, lazily chatting in ewok with Tonin. They were laughing- probably, Kirney thought to her chagrin, at her- and hardly turned as she entered.

"Did I miss anything?" Kirney casually asked. The two acknowledged her then, Ton whirring away as Kolot shook his head.

"Proximity about to go off," Kolot offered. He'd slept the first few hours, knowing Kirney would need to be well rested when she met her old squadron, but as he saw her he wasn't sure it had helped. She seemed well enough, but strangely pale and uneasy.

"Good," she whispered. "What's the report on Aleen?"

"Eastern hemisphere? Cold," Kolot replied. "Shouldn't be too tricky though."

Cold. Oh good. Kirney sighed, and took her seat. The planet was wide in the viewport and she considered it. Down there, her past waited to come back and haunt her. On that planet she would have to confront the life she had left behind- despite a desperate wish not to.

"Identify yourself, shuttle."

Kirney cleared her throat and looked at Kolot. Somehow, she found the energy to go through with this report. "Talon's Revenge, reserved spot THX-1138. We're a little late. Sorry."

There was a pause, then finally an answer to her request. "Copy that, Talon's Revenge. Careful on your way down. Having some nasty weather."

-----';(&()----

Face was shivering, and he was part of the team waiting under cover at the rendezvous point. He knew that somewhere, further out, Kell was with Tyria and Shalla trying to finish the end of their mission. They would have to hurry…

Face looked at a chrono, only barely sensing Dia pressing against him. "Don't worry so much," she purred into his ear. "They'll be here."

Face looked at her, but worry still shone in his eyes. "It's my job to worry, you know."

"Don't do such a good job."

Elassar and Runt stumbled up behind them, and Face broke from his lover to greet them. "You understand what I said, about White Lancer?"

Elassar Targon gave a nod, accompanying the action with an odd grin that would have terrified Face had he not been used to it. Runt also nodded, but he seemed more thoughtful…

When they had gotten together, Face had explained to these two what was going on. The contact White Lancer, who NRI was explicit should be their only contact in case of emergency, was none other than Lara Notsil- though the name she was using now was Kirney Slane. Neither of the former pilots had known her particularly well, though Elassar certainly had memories from being paired with her on a raid just before she'd disappeared. Now they were facing her again…

Not as a Wraith, nor as an enemy, but as a contact with New Republic Intel.

Wonders never ceased.

Neither, Face considered, did this blasted freeze.

"She'll get here soon," Targon mentioned. "I've got my lucky boxer shorts on."

Dia spun abruptly. "Lucky boxer shorts? No, I don't want to know."

And they stayed there in the chill, waiting for the White Lancer to land.

&(&(--------

Fighting Thrawn's army was taking a lot out of starfighter command. The Rogues kept with it- they had to. They were the best after all, and couldn't let up or get complacent because there was breathing room. They kept going full throttle, and Myn went along with them.

He was good. He was, in fact, very good. And he enjoyed the work.

So he was not truly surprised to be summoned to Wedge's office.

He was surprised to see Corran Horn and Tycho Celchu there. Both of the other pilots outranked him in many ways. Tycho was, after all, the XO of the squad, and Corran led a flight. Yet here he was, entering the commander's office with the other two pilots for a specific reason.

Interesting? Probably.

Wedge was not seated behind his desk as usual, but instead on top of the piece of furniture considering a datapad. As the three invited guests entered, he waved to Tycho to shut the door.

"What I am about to say does not leave this room," Wedge began. "We have a mission, and I was told to choose the pilots most likely to keep their heads about them in the circumstances. Have a seat. We have to chat about Corellia."


	4. I CAN Fly

_If you tell me that I can't, I will, I will, I'll try all night_

_And If I say I'm coming home, I'll probably be out all night_

_I know I can be afraid but I'm alive_

_And I hope that you trust this heart behind my tired eyes_

_I'm no angel, but please don't think that I won't try and try_

_I'm no angel, but does that mean that I can't live my life_

_I'm no angel, but please don't think that I can't cry_

_I'm no angel, but does that mean that I won't fly_

_Dido, "No Angel"_

Planeth checked his coordinates twice. This was done casually at three hour intervals during his flight, to ensure he maintained his heading. Years on the job had made him suspicious, and the simplest way to dispose of him in hyperspace would be to slowly change his destination. He was vigilant of this threat and watched for it.

Planeth also HATED Corellia. A cesspool of vice on Treasure Ship Row stung his conscience, and the lax culture so conducive to smugglers and bounty hunters burned his intellect. Even the local authorities so often seemed corrupted, taking what they wanted by force instead of letting it be freely given. The planet itself struggled for complete independence from both Republic and the Empire—an oddity in itself that caused Planeth to cringe.

He hated Corellia, yet that was where he was going.

Gara Petothel's file had come to the attention of Grand Admiral Thrawn just over a year earlier when- as Zsinj kept the bulk of the rebel task force occupied- Thrawn had set some agents lazily in motion. The agent watching Solo's force had identified Petothel with some difficulty after her return from Aldivy, and brought her presence to Thrawn's eyes. It hadn't been until AFTER the receipt of her message concerning Imperia treatment of non-humans that she had really been worthy of the Grand Admiral's attention and he had looked into her case finding her "Most Interesting." Since then, he had kept a careful eye on the wayward Imperial operative and found her as she moved to Corellia, every move a perfection: rather than crawl to the New Republic or beg some other warlord, she had started over for herself and created a business- and taken a nonhuman (an ewok, no less!) as her copilot.

Her one true problem with the Empire seemed to be the treatment of nonhumans. Thrawn liked that. So he sent Planeth, always loyal and eager to bring over new recruits, to collect another follower. One who could, perhaps, work to deliver the forsaken Corellian system.

Planeth hated Corellia.

---- ------ --- - - -- - -

Face watched the shuttle touch down, intrigued by the maneuvers he saw. Even in this fog of ice, it slid into place perfectly- no sliding, just precision. The main entry opened, and not a moment later he saw a familiar figure appear in greeting.

The fog was horrific. Due to the chill, the moment it hit a smooth surface it turned to ice. Breathing became painful, unless one covered their face with a scarf or other piece of cloth. Kirney- Lara- did not step into it, but beckoned the four waiting friends into the warmth of her shuttle; this met little hesitation, and they moved forward as a group to come up the ramp. They paused only to meet their former squadron mate at the top and look carefully.

"Lara," Dia began…

"Once we're inside," Kirney directed, walking in.

"We've got three more," Face instructed.

"I'll leave a note for them." Kirney pushed a few buttons, letting the ramp close. "They know where to meet us, right?"

"They do." Shuttle closed against the chill, all figures shed the outer layers of their clothing, happy to warm up…

And finally get a good look at their contact.

Her hair was longer, and a tawny copper, but the face and body type were unmistakably the same. Face grabbed her by the shoulders, thinking a moment, then smiled wide. "Good to see you again," he stated simply, letting her go. 

"Good to be seen," Kirney admitted, eyes direct on Face. He'd been her former wing, after all- the person she was closest to. She saw no deceit, just simple joy and relief at seeing her again in person. Slowly, she looked to the others- to be attacked by a hug from Runt. Elassar patted her on the head almost idly, and Dia just laughed.

Until it was time, and Dia asked the question that lurked in the air. "What happened?"

Kirney gathered her wits and cleared her throat as she explained, "It turned out I was already late for an appointment, so I simply commed in and decided to be a little bit later?" She smiled, yet shook her head—trying to dissipate a memory?

"So you've been alone this last cycle?" Dia's voice was low, sympathetic.

"Not quite." None of the Wraiths on board had expected their comrade to break into a gigantic grin and chuckle. "Time for you to meet my copilot."

--- ----- ----------

"We have word that one of the agents working for the turning of Corellia has been become a target for Thrawn's recruiters," Wedge explained to his pilots. "Their identity, and life, are in jeopardy. Cracken commed to ask US to ward this contact and take them into our protection, if need be."

"Rogue Squadron? Why?"

**_Well, here's the thing… _**Wedge looked at the men gathered before him, and coughed before answering. "Personal connection. The agent is under a pretty deep cover, and I was already aware of their existence, so I got the job. I was asked to pick those of you who can keep this secret."

Tycho and Myn just nodded, but Corran winced.

"Horn?"

"It's Slane," Corran asked, "isn't it?"

Wedge held his breath, looking at Myn as he replied: "Yes." Surprisingly, Donos had no reaction to the name, as if he hadn't heard it before now. Confused, Wedge dismissed his pilots with a mention of mission time, but kept a hand on Tycho's shoulder to keep him from leaving.

Tycho met his commander with a new question. "More I need to know, Wedge?"

Just a nod, an understanding that what happened next was between friends. "There is definitely more you need to know."

--- ---- ---- -----

Laughter filled the cockpit of _Talon's Revenge._ Kolot relished the sound, looking from face to face. Kirney herself seemed quite calm and at ease, relaxed amongst friends. She sat at the communication board, waiting to see when new arrivals approached, but leaned back to banter with her old companions. Everyone had found a cozy spot, and pure good humor ran through the shuttle.

"So then Kolot here, he grabs my hand in the middle of this ritzy-man's garden, looks right at the CorSec agent, and turns to me. And calmly asks if I would marry him." Kirney finished with a flourish. Kolot looked at her and chuckled at the memory- they'd had to think fast, confuse CorSec so that they wouldn't know the shipment accepted from Rostek Horn. An ewok proposing to a business woman was the most confusing thing Kolot could think of…

"What did Investigator Horn do?"

"Gave us bonus," Kolot supplied, as Kirney nodded in appreciation. "Big bonus," he added.

"And how was the wedding?"

Kirney snickered. "Oh, unfortunately I was unable to accept. Kolot wouldn't allow it."

"Kirney too young for Kolot," the ewok explained.

"Alas!" Kirney continued, "For I am quite taken by your fluffy grin."

A beep on Face's direct link broke the resulting hysterics. "Lead here."

"Project Losee is in a bit of a bind." The voice on the other end belonged to Tyria, not Kell. "Could use some help here, if it won't interrupt teatime."

"Location, Losee?"

"31, 25, East 9. Acknowledge"

"Acknowledged, Stand by." Face looked up to meet Kirney's eyes, considering how to put his next request. "Lara, my dear friend, how do you feel about ice?"

--- ----- ---

Tyria kept the comm. in her hand, looking briefly to where Kell and Shalla blocked a large tunnel entrance. They had gotten themselves unequivocally stuck in this hallway to nowhere, and were trying desperately to get out with the data hard card that Tyria now had in her pocket. It had too much information to be relayed over a comm-pad: planetary defense patterns for over a dozen different planets, plus some interesting tidbits on Grand Admiral Thrawn's artistic ramblings.

The trick was getting it into Republic hands when they were being pushed into this corner wave after wave. Demolition would seal the entrance, so instead Kell and Shalla were defending as best they could hand to hand. Tyria, for her part, was attempting to get back up between sensing attacks through the Force. So far, it was working well… if she was successful in getting back-up soon.

"Lead to Losee team. We're on our way." The message filled Tyria with joy—and, for some reason, fear.

-- ------------- ---------- --

"Calm down," Kirney repeated. "I am, you will remember, a fair pilot."

Face wrinkled his nose and sighed. "You're right."

"Strap in and hold on." As Loran took the copilot's seat, Kirney motioned for Kolot. "Ko, prepare to open the bay and pull in some wayward Wraiths. But hold on to something- I really don't know what I'm doing."

"Yub yub," Kolot responded.

"WHAT?" Face exclaimed.

Kirney shrugged and lifted off. "Hey Targon, feel like it's a lucky day."

"Yep."

"Good." And with that, they were in the air hovering just above the buildings, in the middle of a freezing fog. The ship collected ice, but Kirney kept going even as the obvious visuals disappeared. She was down to logic and calm thought, yet handled the shuttle as if it were just a large speeder. Her heart caught in her throat, and she found she had to let out an exclamation of joy as they moved. "Why am I doing this again?" she whispered.

"Well," Face began…

Kirney didn't take her eyes off the sensor as she said, "Don't. It's better for SO many reasons if I don't know exactly why I'm doing this."

Face shut up.

"Where did you say they were?"

"Western quadrant, corridor three, main arena."

"Got it. Kolot, open those doors and reel them in now." The last was said over the radial, echoing in the ship. And faint in the background, a door opened…

---- -- -- ----

"Tyria, cab's here."

Tyria let out a breath of relief and rushed forward. Kell and Shalla took out the last few attackers, the large man pulling Tyria along as they leapt into the awaiting shuttle. They kept their hold, rolling smartly as the port closed.

After a few deep breaths, Tyria opened her eyes to study the alien presence she had felt. Her jaw dropped.

"Kell," Tyria whispered carefully.

"Yes?"

"Have you gotten a look at our saviour?"

Kell twisted. He glanced. He squeeked.

Shalla followed suit and blinked. "Force!" she surmised. "We've been rescued by Kettch."

"That's not all." That voice was familiar. Very familiar. "Kolot," it continued, "go forward and help Dia take us into hyperspace."

Kell, Tyria, and Shalla stood up and glared at the new arrival. Face stood behind her, obviously ready to back her up.

"Hi," Lara said, blushing.

"Hi," Shalla echoed… raising a fist and sending it directly into Lara's midsection.


	5. Easier Than Love

_Everyone's a lost romantic,_

_Since our love became a kissing show_

_Everyone's a Casanova,_

Come and pass me the mistletoe 

_Everyone's been scared to death of dying here alone_

_She is easier than love_

_Is easier than life_

_It's easier to fake and smile and bribe_

_It's easier to leave_

_It's easier to lie_

_It's harder to face ourselves at night_

_Feeling alone,_

_What have we done?_

_What is the monster we've become?_

_Switchfoot, "Easier Than Love"_

Kirney fell to the floor, pinned for a moment by both pain and the gravity of the ship's rise over the icy fog and into space. Shalla advanced, fire in her eyes, and a single work came from her lips: "Traitor."

"Stand down, Nelprin." That was Face, stepping in between the two women.

Kirney- Lara- sighed. "Right. I deserved that."

"No! Lara…" Face began.

"You bet you did," Shalla started at the same time.

At the same time, Kirney was forcing herself to regain her footing. She got to her feet, and stood next to her constant protector; as she spoke, her voice was strong. "I deserved that one, but no more. I am an agent of the New Republic, and the captain of this vessel, and you will not threaten me again. Do you understand?" Her features were, at that moment, unmistakably Imperial- yet somehow sad, reminding everyone very much that this had been their friend.

Shalla deflated. "You're White Lancer?"

Behind her, Kell chuckled. "That's the name you used when you apprehended Repness, isn't it?"

Loran's eyes dropped, his mouth forming a frown. "I didn't remember that."

Kirney, for her part, ran a few fingers through her hair and gave a confident, "That's right."

Tyria made the next move. She considered her old room mate, looked into her eyes, and finally drew Lara in for a hug. Lara seemed surprised, but after a moment hugged back.

"You came back," Kell finally managed.

"Yes."

"With an ewok pilot," he added.

"Well, I obviously wasn't going to leave him…" a slight hitch in breath, a large gulp "…leave him where I found him."

Shalla found herself providing the next line. "Of course not." Then, slowly, she worked out, "It IS good to see you again."

"You could have told us you were alive," Tyria laughed. "I know at least one other person who would be quite happy to see you again."

"The ewok toy?" Kirney joked, thinking in her head very loudly **_Don't say his name. Please, Ty?_**

Tyria nodded, catching the hint in the Force. "Stuffed toys are quite emotional, you know."

"I'll write up a message," Kirney promised.

--- ---- ----- -------

"You have a soft spot for former Imperials," Tycho sighed as Wedge finished his story. "This is an absolutely wild tale, and I suggest that you immediately swap me out for Wes."

"Trying to get out of work?"

"No, but it's just crazy enough that he might believe the story." Tycho leaned back in his chair with a sigh and continued, "But honestly, why take me along? Sounds like Wes knows her already, and he'd be better as Myn's wing than Corran. Or on yours, for that matter."

"But," Wedge reminded, "you'll remember his history dealing with those who served the Empire?"

Tycho opened his mouth to protest, then shut it. It was true. Wes had taken a while to believe even in Tycho, and that with Hobbie's insistence. Once an Imp had seen action, Wes had a hard time believing they hadn't seen the error and come over. That probably went double for Intel.

"Doesn't he know her?" Tycho attemted, weakly.

"Did. As Lara Notsil." Wedge stretched, going back to behind his desk. "I never told him- anyone- about Kirney."

Tycho considered that. "Then Horn and Donos..?"

"Each received personal messages from her. They should already know."

"You're forcing me."

"Sorry?"

-- ---- --- --

Planeth landed on the hated planet to discover his quarry wasn't there. Which meant he had more time to prepare a "reception." Goody.

-- --- ---- ---

"Tyria, Kell, you get my room," Kirney ordered quickly. "Face, you're up front. The rest of you- congratulations. You're now cargo." She said something quickly in ewok, which was noted and answered by Kolot quickly.

"I'm fine," she protested, "just mad."

Light dawned as Kirney stormed through with only a quick, "I'll be back." She went towards the refresher, but her face was burning bright red and she seemed to be holding her breath.

"What's her problem?" Runt asked quietly.

"Shalla hit her," Kell mentioned, "but I'm not sure…"

"It has little to do with it," Face clarified. "It's guilt."

"Follow her." That was Kolot, and it was said generally.

Tyria was already there as face processed the information and started to obey…

Because he actually understood. It clicked- the uncertainty, the fear… the guilt. It was very familiar, and seemed to be laughing at the little boy who thought HE'D done some good for the Empire.

Face walked up to the door, where Tyria was already tapping and whispering some random words. She looked up at Face, who motioned her back to the front. A glance around showed everyone else was focused elsewhere- so he knocked.

"Go away, Sarkin," Kirney spat.

Face chuckled at the false venom in her voice. "Lara, it's me. Let me in."

"E Chuta."

Face considered the lock, asking sweetly- "Please?"

"With all due respect, go to hell sir."

Hardly a compliment. Face looked at the lock again, and deftly popped it. He walked in calmly, not the least surprised to see his former wingmate on the floor curled against the wall. If eyes could become lasers, Face was certain that he would be dead based on her glare. Still, he shut the door and allowed himself to slide to the floor in front of it- leaving him kitty-corner to Kirney and effectively blocking anyone else's entrance.

"See," he informed her, "we Intel types know all sorts of tricks to picking a lock. You have to block a door, like so, if you REALLY want to be alone."

Kirney sighed. "Point." She buried her face in her palms, whimpering but not really crying as she explained, "You weren't supposed to see this."

"I know."

She turned away from him completely, head dropped as far as possible. "It isn't supposed to be this hard."

Face took a chance, moving next to her, even as he let his legs continue barring the door. "I know," he repeated, "but it is." Taking another chance, he raised an arm and draped it over her shoulders. She fell into him, finally crying true tears. This continued in silence a moment, and then she was back to simple dry whimpers. Kirney let him soothe her, taking strength simply from Face's insistence on her coming around.

"I'm not going to say I know what you feel," Face whispered. "You know my past, know what I've done, know how it compares to your record. But please, please don't blame yourself simply for growing up in a corrupt society. You were guided specifically to the work you did…once you discovered the truth, you got out." Softer, gentler now… "You became one of us. The Wraiths were a fresh start for all of us- you're no different."

Kirney hiccupped, rasing her head. "But…"

"You are no different," Face reiterated. "Say it."

Slowly, carefully, afraid of lying. "I am no different," she said.

"Except…"

Kirney let her nose crumple, her head fall. "Yes?"

"You could have written. You know- after? At least one of us."

She seemed to consider that. "I did," she admitted at length. "Write one of the Wraiths."

Oh really? "Who?" 

"Myn."

Oh no. "Myn?"

"He never answered."

She turned to look at him, and Face was able to see her expression. Hurt, cold, and alone. She was going to go back into that whimper, was going to disintegrate…

She was beautiful.

"Lara?"

She took a shaky breath, then met his eyes full on. She moved closer, closer…and Face felt himself gravitating toward her…

Their lips met in one clarifying instant, two consenting minds coming together as one.


	6. Just Another Name

_yesterday she was a little girl_

_pretending she was queen yeah_

_didn't know it'd change the world_

_didn't know what this should mean_

_which mask will you wear today_

_how about the one with the pretty smile_

_to you it's just another day_

_in a life you haven't lived in quite awhile_

_everybody knows your name_

_but they don't know who you are_

_but to them it's just a game_

_and I think it's gone too far_

_Lifehouse, "Just Another Name"_

It was Kirney who broke out of the kiss first, suddenly and with emphatic force as she cried out, "I'm sorry!"

Face, who had quite been enjoying himself, looked back at her puzzled. "Sorry? What for?"

Kirney looked at her friend incredulously. "Dia," she stated simply.

Face smiled at her innocence. "Oh, Dia." And, choosing his words, he explained, "About that. It's not as exclusive as all that."

Humor entered Kirney's voice, though it was still strained. "Not so exclusive that you can't go about kissing random girls?" she asked, hoping to get some clarification.

"Precisely." Face let his expression soften, though the memories behind it were all but kind. Dia had long ago taken advantage of their situation and the decision to allow leeway in their relationship, and she had seen a mechanic on the side a couple of times. Face himself had not yet found someone else to share more than a quick meal with… "Does this surprise you?" he asked Kirney, seeing new confusion on her face.

"Nothing surprises me these days," she admitted, snuggling into his hold.

Face put his arms around her protectively, wondering what to do next. Lara- Kirney- was going to need a while to cool off, to simply rest and calm down, yet this was not the best place to do so. Yet right now it felt so comfortable, so right…maybe a little while longer would be fine.

When she'd come into the squadron, when Face had first spent time watching the person known as Lara Notsil, he'd realized she had a few things she would need to work out. Now he knew the amount of issues in her corner were more than anyone could have suspected, yet still did not amount to anything impossible to overcome. This was one of those weaker moments, and still she seemed strong enough to put it behind her if it was there… so long as she wasn't alone.

Face tried to move. However, he quickly noted that Kirney seemed to have fallen asleep in his hold, and was unable to do much more than adjust so that he no longer blocked the door. Giving in to the moment, he closed his eyes and got some much needed rest himself.

---- ---------- -------- ------- --------

Planeth was elated to find out that Gara Petothel had returned to the planet after a run to the planet Aleen. He staked out her location, mapped out the surrounding cafs and diners, and made ready to seek her out as she wandered the planet. She might have any look, be anyone around in Corellia. She could blend in, but Planeth would find her.

He had to.

That was his job.

-- ------- -------- -------- ---------

Dia moved to enter the 'fresher, wondering what the scene would look like as she opened the door. She was slow in forcing the door open, sliding around the corner and peering…

The visual was cute.

"Face, honey," she whispered, tapping him on the shoulder gently. He came awake hesitantly, and looked into Dia's eyes readily with a chuckle. "Not the best place for a heart to heart," Dia admonished.

"Didn't have much choice," Face explained, examining his position. On the floor, damsel in distress secure in his arms. Just another day. "I seem to have made a habit of being a comforting arm."

"Is that all?"

The question was almost astonishing. "For the moment," Face admitted. "Why?"

"Curiosity." And with that, the twi'lek left the area.

Face glanced as the door closed, then sighed. Now for the hard part…

"Kirney? Kirney, time to look alive."

----- ---- ------ ------

Rogue Squadron took several odd jobs, and at this point was pretty much spread over the galaxy. The group going to Corellia did their best to seem nonchalant, giving off the appearance that they were heading off to a nearby base for some leave. Then they turned on their trail and headed for the system…

Myn and Tycho would be going onto the planet itself, while Wedge stayed with Corran within striking distance. When it was time to pull out, Corran and Wedge would show up and cover if needed.

Myn was still confused. Slane- the name sounded vaguely familiar…

Unable to place it, he let it be. It was an operative, and he had probably heard it somewhere in that context. It was Corellian enough, but not specific to that planetary system. Like Antilles, it was a name that could exist on any one of a dozen worlds and be natural.

Arrival in two hours.

Timing was perfect. Myn stretched, and reached beside him to check that his gear was in order. One rifle, far range… just in case.

It would be an interesting few days.

--- ---- ----- ---- ---------- ----------

Face fairly pulled Kirney back into the world of her shuttle, but once there her head seemed to clear and she was able to smile naturally. Kolot looked at her strangely, then spoke up.

"Kirney…ok?"

"It wasn't what you think it might be," Kirney explained off-handedly. No, it hadn't been an episode. She'd been stricken with HERSELF, not like those times when she couldn't even tell you her name. No, this was not the same. This was something different. And, she felt, it was something she wouldn't have to deal with again.

It was an issue that was mostly resolved. This had been simple blame, a thing that should have been gone. She'd talked it over with Kolot already a few times, but seeing the Wraiths again definitely was able to pull it out…that was no surprise, especially considering Shalla's greeting.

"Everything is just fine," Kirney reiterated, taking her place. "Just keep an eye on our coordinates and off we go back home."

Face came up behind Kirney, and began to gently rub at her shoulders. The pilot leaned into the sensation, thinking hard about what she had learned concerning his arrangement with Dia. It was a bit of a shock, but perhaps only obvious…

_**But it isn't the same.**_

FLASHBACK. REMEMBER THIS. IF YOU DON'T, IT MAY HAUNT YOU.

"If I weren't sure I was only half-crazy," Myn stated with very calm nerves for the mutinous situation he was in, "I'd be certain I was hallucinating."

Lara had been with him all night, snuggling and wandering through the crew of Mon Remonda. Neither wore their rank insignia, and certainly neither would be mistaken for responsible grown-ups. In a corner, Lara could see their astromechs preparing for another race across the floor- so long as Tonin kept his new upgrades under wraps, Lara would rest easy, though he wouldn't be able to bee Whistler. **_Thank you for keeping it a secret_**, she thought at the little droid, knowing it couldn't hear her.

Then she turned her attention back to her date. "Your logic is faulty," she demanded lightly. "If you were zero percent crazy, you'd be certain you weren't hallucinating. If you were one-hundred percent crazy you would be equally certain it was real. Only at your current state of fifty percent insane do you doubt what you see." Intelligence classes were certainly worth something, Lara considered. She could still talk her way around anything.

"No fair." Donos' protest was petulant, but sweet. It brought a smile to Lara's lips immediately. "If I take you back to the pilot's lounge and dance with you again, will you stop picking at my flaws in logic?"

The concept thrilled her. **_End step one of this mission._** "Sure. That was my motive in the first place."

And with that, Lara had found herself swept firmly from her feet and into the pilot's lounge, where a makeshift band of people who vaguely looked familiar were playing some amazing music. Lara let her feet take over, and with Myn at her side she glided over the dance floor.

As a girl on Coruscant, the girl who grew up to be Lara Notsil had loved to dance. Looking at her feet now, the child came out again and played; it left her to flirt gently with her date…

It was half an hour later when she led him from the floor, and sat him directly in a chair. She still had energy to spare, but could see that Myn had been tired out by the evening. Gently, she helped him down and settled in behind him. She'd leaned briefly on his shoulder, surprised by the tension she felt there.

"You're a bit stiff, Donos," she'd mentioned, promptly taking steps to rectify the situation. He bristled against her touch for an instant, but she'd leaned up against his ear. "Afraid of me?"

"Not a bit." And with that, he relaxed and let her massage out what seemed to be years of tension. He melted in her hands, a smile wide on his face. Finally, when it seemed nothing else could come out, he grabbed one of her hands roughly.

"Finished?" she'd asked.

As if in answer, he lifted her hand to his lips and tugged. Lara, happy to oblige, moved in front of him and soon found herself pulled into his lap.

"Not very dignified," Lara had mentioned. "Not like the Donos I know."

"Well, I only LOOK like Myn Donos, remember- oh one who looks like Lara Notsil?" 

Lara's breath caught in her throat. –One who looks like Lara Notsil.- The mutiny forgotten, she let her heart sink. For tonight, she truly did lose her identity, and all things that came with it…

But a new thought sprung. THIS MIGHT BE A TIME FOR HIM TO LEARN TO LIKE THE PERSON BEHIND THE MASK. And, cautiously, Lara decided to let her mask slide. She leaned in, close. Lara Notsil would never take charge of the situation, and Gara would have thought it frivolous. No, this was a moment for Kirney, who flirted and had fun. Right now, she was nobody but herself- no persona, no worries.

If Myn was surprised when she kissed him, he did a good job of hiding it. Then they were apart again, considering each other, each waiting for some sign from the other of what should happen next.

The person behind Lara, who wore Lara's face, was tired of waiting. She grabbed Myn's hand, careful to watch his every reaction, and pulled him warily back onto the dance floor. Only now the music was soft and slow; Myn's hands went obligingly around his partner's waist, and hers snaked around his neck. For the rest of the night, they stayed in a similar position, comfortable in each others' embrace.

THE FLASHBACK HAS ENDED. RETURN, BUT REMEMBER WHAT YOU HAVE LEARNED.

"Face- stop."

And, much to Kirney's surprise, he did.


	7. Stretch

Making time again

_To show them who you are_

_Why not be happy_

_With the things you have done_

_Why not be satisfied_

You're not the only one 

_-Hungry Lucy, "Stretch"_

It was time to think. Really think. Face could think of no reason to put it off any longer. They were hours away from Corellia, and Kirney was working with her copilot on the final destination coordinates. He found his way to the cargo station, where most of the Wraiths had set up a comfortable spot to stay. Kell and Tyria were already there as well, having taken a moment to check out the supply and see if there was anything that could reasonably be made to explode in case of emergencies.

"Hey Kell," he casually asked, "see if we can't close the door there."

The larger man took a moment to think about that request, seeming to be cataloguing part of Kirney's shipment, then moved to the portal. It was a simple design, and was meant to shut although it had long ago had the programming switched to keep it always open. Kell considered the device for a few minutes, pulled out a small mechanic's kit and soon had the door closed all the way.

Face looked around the room at the Wraiths, considering each of them for a good long while. They hadn't spoken alone, together, since getting on _Talon's Revenge_, and it was time to really stop and think.

"Impressions, anyone?" Face began. "We've had a lot to take in these past few days. That data chip screams of plant. There's an ewok pilot on this ship programming like it's nothing. And, of course, Lara."

Shalla seemed to shift a bit at that last.

"Nelprin?"

"You said the chip screamed of plant," Shalla started. "Might I suggest that so does Lara- Kirney- Gara… whoever she is."

"I don't think so," Tyria whispered.

That caused a few eyebrows to raise.

"Why not?"

Tyria shifted uncomfortably, and cleared her throat. "I just- I don't think so. I don't feel any deceit in her. At all."

It was Runt who made the next connection. "She's too confused to be a real threat to anyone. Too many minds talking to her. She used to have control over them. We're not sure if she still does."

"Or if she wants to," Elassar mentioned. 'I mean, she hasn't exactly found the best of luck."

There was a bit of a murmur.

"There is one sure way to tell how genuine she is," Kell put in, keeping an eye on Face's reaction to what he was about to suggest. "There are two people in this ship who can tell us for sure what's going on. I suggest we pull them aside."

Tyria thought about that, considering her boyfriend a moment, then nodded. "The droid or the ewok, then?"

"We know Tonin," Shalla mentioned. "Can we trust the ewok?"

"At the very least, I'd like to know his story." That was Face, and he actually made the comment with quite a bit of humor in it. It felt good- like a lost art, and the paintbrush thanked him for picking it up again. "We know that's got to be interesting."

Everyone nodded.

"If the droid and the ewok both honestly trust her, there's not much chance that she's lying."

"I don't think she's capable of lies at this point."

"I'll believe it when I hear it."

"Are we really going to turn our backs on her if she's being forced to dance on a thin line?"

"We'd at least have to report it to Cracken, since it seems she's one of his agents." Face sighed, then looked at Dia. She hadn't talked since they'd entered, but instead kept a focused eye on her normal boyfriend. "Dia, want to weigh in here?"

The next line took the breath from everyone in the room. "I just don't want you to sleep with her."

--- --- -------- ---- --- ------

Wedge kept with Corran as a pair, and they landed directly at the nearest New Republic base. Either of them was too well known to physically be on Corellia, but it made sense that they should organize the effort from off planet. If they were needed, they could appear in an instant- if not, they would simply keep the information misled.

Cracken had been very specific that Kirney Slane was supposed to be left to her own devices so long as they proved enough to ensure her safety. He would let her know that someone had her back, but not tell her the specifics… probably best.

Wedge was still confused by Myn's reaction to Slane. It made no sense that he should have such a negligible emotional response to learning of her survival. From what Wedge could tell, it was as if the pilot hadn't even seen past her lie and ignored the sender. It seemed impossible- Donos was a smart man. Wedge couldn't help a feeling that something was wrong…

But Myn knew Kirney, as Lara. And he was a good shot with a rifle. If Kirney needed back up, there were few people better. So the decision remained.

Tycho and Myn were on their way to Coronet based on the latest Intel. Tycho had a good handle on the situation, with a full briefing on Myn's personal dealings with Lara/Gara/Kirney. Tycho was a good man, and would keep his head no matter the situation. Plus, since he had seen action as an Imperial he would have a certain amount of compassion for the person they were there to protect.

Wedge watched the pair head off, hoping that it would be nothing more than a pleasant trip to Corellia and an exercise in covert operations. He also had a bad feeling that it wasn't going to be so smooth.

--- ----- ---- ----------

"I'll take that under advisement," Face said at length.

He looked at the rest of the Wraiths gathered and had to admit their reactions were priceless. Mostly laughter.

"I'm being serious."

"I never doubted that."

None of them considered that Kirney was on her own ship, and new every in and out. At that moment, Tonin was nestled up against the door as Kirney passed.

"Ton!" she whispered, incredulous. "They're friends. Don't spy on them."

(( I thought you said they wouldn't like you again. ))

"That may be, but they are still my friends."

(( Can they be your friends when they don't like you? ))

Kirney halted. "It's complicated," she admitted. "Ton, please.. please?" It was a quiet moment, and she realized that she was kneeling on the floor, at Tonin's level. "Please respect them. Like you respect me. And erase anything you just heard."

(( It's about you. ))

Kirney felt her heart seize in her chest. This left her with something of a dilemma, a harsh reality to face. She would have to try again. How many times can a person reinvent themselves before they are nothing?

Kirney turned away, focusing on the floor, and remembered a conversation with Kolot shortly after turning to Corellia.

They say that one candle loses nothing by lighting another. Silly people. They obviously have never tried to light a candle with a flame that was already sputtering, weak.

"I realize that completely," Kirney admitted. "Erase it. Then knock on the door politely and tell them that we're in Coronet. They won't have felt that landing."

-- ------- ----------- ------------------

Myn was just as happy to have a chance to sit back and relax as he went towards Corellia. It was a smooth shuttle ride, and the whole trip seemed like something out of a dream. Tycho and he were in adjoining rooms on a larger transport, traveling as business partners trying to make contact with an old classmate.

That meeting would only happen if it had to.

Meanwhile, Myn had a chance to reflect. And some memories came unbidden…

At one point, in talking with Wes, Myn had been surprised to have his old instructor suggest that the emotions that came to mind were false. Myn had searched that, and realized that the emotions were quite real, but that his memories were primarily filtered. After those few weeks of wandering about, unsure how he would cope besides acting on childish desires, Myn had found his memories of Lara had muted. It was as if she was someone he had almost known, and had created false memories of.

Very rarely were the thoughts vivid…

It never happened on regular, random days.

A regular random day…

Myn Donos found his mind wandering. He thought of reeling it back in, then decided to see where it would lead him.

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

A regular, random day, void of any real issues. Myn had enjoyed days like these, because it was easier not to think. He didn't enjoy much these days, and was social only when people pressed him, and it was better that way. Of course, the one problem with useless days is that it made it harder to find something to do…

Myn took a look at the rifle case in the corner and shrugged to nobody. It was a good idea to get some practice, probably, and it would help keep him occupied. And most people chose not to bother him much when he was armed. So he grabbed the case, checked his equipment, and was off to the makeshift range in back of the base.

There was some hub as he went, Tyria telling the other Wraiths that Lara had gotten a message from family supposedly dead. Then she expressed the reaction Lara had to the message, and Donos actually paused. It didn't seem natural, not like someone carefree. And then Kell came in, stating that he'd seen her toward the end of his workout with a dummy. She'd been seeking a place to get away, to scream…

Myn continued on his way, suddenly keenly aware that he was quite likely to pass Lara based on where Kell had sent her. He kept going, wondering what he might do if he actually saw her.

And see her he did. She was curled against a wall just in front of the gravity boundary, leaning against the hard stone as though it were a soft comfort, though she also seemed to be reaching. She had a distant, sad look in her eyes- not like someone who heard a contact from the past has returned, but instead one who was desperate to regain the memory of something forgotten

Myn stopped, unable to help watching her. She was far from perfect, but not quite a mess. Her mind was obviously worlds away, unfocused- Myn had a distinct feeling he could stand right in front of her and she wouldn't even notice…

Myn decided to try that. He settled right in front of her, amused. By all rights, she should be glaring directly at the top of his boots, but she seemed to have absolutely no vision on that. It seemed all she saw was a question, a problem, and her reaction was soft tears. He hadn't noticed them from a distance, but up close he could see them quite clearly.

The other Wraiths had been quite clear when Myn had let himself be depressed: closing off was not an option. Time to pass that lesson on, he mused; just another minute, and then he would see if he couldn't force her to see him.

When Lara did finally look towards him, Myn could tell she was quite startled, as though seeing the answer to a question. Yet her eyes were red, wet with the tears, and she seemed still out in space somewhere. Dumbly, Donos fumbled for a handkerchief he remembered carrying with him, and offered the folded cloth to her.

"Are you all right?" he asked, surprised to find that the concern was genuine and came out in his voice. She took the hanky, but just stared at it. Seemed she was worse off than he imagined. "For your eyes," he hinted, making sure to keep his voice level. Oddly, he found that it was actually a chore for once.

"Oh. Thank you." There was surprise in her voice, as though she had no idea why her eyes were wet.

Since the Talons, Myn hadn't gotten too far involved in the lives of his squadmates. He remembered telling Tyria that he didn't want them, because friends die. Yet somewhere, something inside him reached out to Lara, perhaps seeing something it liked. Or recognized in itself.

"I heard you had some happy news," he offered, trying to find out the cause of her stress. Then, nonchalantly, he shrugged as though he had no worry about her life. "Not my business. But if you want to talk…"

"I heard from my…brother." For as quickly as she responded, snapping off his offer of an ear, she hesitated for quite a while after that. "He was supposed to have been killed when my town was destroyed by Implacable. But he survived."

Donos found himself quite confused by the hurt in her voice, the halting way she called the man her brother. He set down his rifle case and took a spot across from Lara, considering her as he questioned, "And that's not good news?"

"Not really." Her fact took on a strange hue, and her lips fumbled- the words didn't want to come out, yet still they dripped out piece by piece. They described, with little detail, a brother who was cruel to his sister. Myn could feel real fear behind her every word, and a true tiredness. Like she was weary of the past, and longed to be free of it.

"There's no other reason to get in contact with me," Lara had concluded. "He wants something."

THAT had certainly started Myn's mind running. _Something, or you?_ And Myn's head went double time. He had been a squadron commander, and during his brief time with the Talons had done his share of evaluation. Pretty girl. Evil brother. He wants something. "Could Zsinj have gotten hold of him?"

The incredulous anxiety behind her return "What?" had amplified Myn's concern. She had, apparently, already thought of that.

"No, bear with me,: he had assured. It seemed her mind had already gone into this place; now he worked to make it seem like his idea, like something more farfetched than it appeared. She was scared- he was going to have to calm her down while still letting her know he understood the danger… so he did his best in describing the scenario in his head. Knowing the answer, he asked the question on both their minds. "Whould your brother turn you over to a man like Zsinj for money?"

Myn looked at her reaction. She looked for a second as though she might go away, return to the state he found her in, and then she answered with an analogy he hadn't thought a farm girl capable of: "In a Coruscant second."

"SO maybe this is just him wanting to graft some credits from you…and maybe he's angling to lead you into a Zsinj trap. Possible?"

"Possible."

"I think we need to find out."

And Myn felt something inside him flutter. He was once again taking charge of something, of someONE. It went against everything he thought he might do, yet right now he realized that it couldn't have happened any other way. In some strange way, Lara Notsil was bringing back part of Talon Squadron in a way he never thought possible: she was bringing back their commander.

-- ----- ------------- ---- -

"To friends who don't try to fool you all the time," Shalla proposed, as the Wraiths and Lara sat at a table in a Corellian tapcaf. Face looked up at her, vaguely angry, but when Shalla's eyes turned to Kirney the young woman seemed simply amused.

"You've found the wrong group for that," Kirney reminded.

Dia laughed at the comment, thinking back to the moment it stood for. Back then, Lara had been new to the squadron- Ton had died not long before, and Dia herself had only a week prior desecrated the already dead body of an ally. Face had, however, emerged literally unscarred from a horrific accident; Shalla had just been promoted… it had been a good day. Perhaps things would never be so good again.

That thought turned sour in the twi'leks mouth, especially as she gazed around the room to realize that it didn't ring true. For a strange change of place, Face sat in her lap, an exotic alcoholic beverage in his hand. Across the table, Kell and Tyria sat hand in hand laughing. Shalla and Kirney had actually opted to share their beverages, each wanting to try the same assortment. Runt and Kolot were discussing certain mental discoveries- the larger alien thrilled to find that the ewok had a knack for psychology, and understood much of what was being explained to him. Elassar had come back to the table after a botched attempt to flirt with a pure Coronet-born smuggler female. All in all, it felt just as good as "the old days."

It was surprising to find Kirney fit right in, perhaps better than she ever had before. She was different somehow, both more tentative and more comfortable at the same time. It left Dia to wonder why…

And above it all, Kirney kept looking around the table as if disappointed to find someone missing. And Dia was willing to bet that it was not Piggy (who would doubtless be waiting for his friends on the New Republic base when they were finished) that made the woman's eyes fall.

Oh well. "To old friends, and new, then," Dia suggested as a revision. The whole table responded with a comfortable cheer.

Corellia was strange. On no other world they had been stuck on had it felt natural for the Wraiths to actually enjoy themselves, much less go out for a drink. Yet with Tonin watching Kirney's ship and Coronet being so open, it had felt like the only thing to do. After all, how many times does an old squad mate show up from the dead to help you out of a bad situation?

Kirney had just switched drinks with Shalla when her commlink beeped.

"Slane Shipping," Kirney idly answered. The other end had only a series of beeps, which none of the Wraiths truly understood, but Kirney apparently did. "Slow down, Ton," she suggested. "What happened?"

Whoot.

"That's impossible."

Blat.

"Give me ten."

Blat.

"All right, five then." At that, Kirney grabbed her glass and raised the bottom up. She set the empty on the table, and glanced around at her comrades. "I have to go make myself a presentable business woman to keep up appearances. Enjoy yourselves, have the barkeep put it on my tab. He knows I'm good for it." Kirney let a slight frown go to her mouth, but shrugged and stood.

"Need back up?" Kolot asked.

"Stay with them, Ko," Kirney asked. "They don't know their way around. I'll be fine."

"Want one of us to go with you?" Kell suggested.

Kirney laughed. "No offense, but do remember I try to run a DISCREET business. And I'm certainly not tearing Tyria away from the rest of you." Kirney regarded the table again, and added, "Besides, I'm guessing you would all like to be here while you question my copilot."

A series of blinks ensued.

"It's all right," Kirney added, her eyes direction on Face. "He'll tell you nothing but the truth. Tonin too, if you ask. Ton." Something strange caught in her voice as she said that. "I'll see you at the ship. Take all the time you need."

But hidden in her voice was something akin to irritation: resignation.


	8. This is not the time to break down

_Read it all, no need for separating here._

_You see what you want and try to justify._

_All your little lines,_

_Convictions and your lies._

_What right do you have to point at me?_

_-Daugherty, "Breakdown"_

"Ton." Face shook his head. "I just realized that she's been calling the droid Ton."

Tyria barely managed to suppress a somber laugh. "She's been reaching for straws, you know. Talon's Revenge. Ton. I have a feeling she's been very lonely."

"Ko agree," the fuzzy ewok provided. "Very lonely. She treats me like an equal, but sometimes something else."

Runt looked around the table. "From what he's been telling me, Kolot is a good judge of humanoid minds. I would listen to him."

So the Wraiths sat and listened to a tale unfold that seemed quite strange, and nearly impossible. The ewok spoke well, for an ewok, though at times he stumbled on a word and had to use an equivalent that the others could hardly even duplicate, much less understand. Yet everything finally fit together.

"She's crazy," Kell whispered. "Absolutely unbalanced. However did she make it into the squadron in the first place:"

"With me on one end and Zsinj on the other," Face mused. "Intel. How quaint."

"One thing I don't get," Shalla slowly started. "How was she able to get back to Iron Fist with Tonin's memory in tact?"

"Old trick on Coruscant," Face provided, the words coming slowly. "As a code slicer, she would have been able to create a back door that nobody can detect. Allows her to wipe his memory one moment have him back to normal the next. He's probably a very reliable resource, if his memory is in fact complete."

Kell nodded in agreement.

"Is this something we want to do?" Dia asked suddenly. "Go prying into her past, figure all this out?"

Elassar summed up the general consensus. "I don't believe that we have any choice. Not like there's anything better to do."

Runt continued. "We do not know if all her minds hold the same loyalty."

Kolot chuckled. "Kirney would say Wraiths can look at everything. Maybe Wraiths think Kolot a liar. Ask Tonin. He has video. Memory of time on Iron Fist. Maybe you like what you see. Probably you don't."

That caused a hush.

"That's right," Tyria whispered. "Tonin would have a complete file of L-Ga- Kirney's time back on board Iron Fist."

Eyebrows raised amongst the friends. There were a few different possibilities digging this far into the matter.

First off, there was the question of what to do should Kirney actually be a counteragent. There was a chance of keeping her hidden, or betraying her to New Republic Intel. That would be rather hard on everyone, considering her personal history with each of the Wraiths… it was also unlikely.

Much more likely was the possibility that what they would see would lead them to believe that their old comrade was something of a lunatic. If this proved the case, there was a chance of her throwing off her newfound loyalties in a moment of panic or uncertainty. In that case, there was a real question of who to report to… or did they do their best to solve the problem on their own?

Of course, if Kirney knew that her squadmates were now going beyond a search for her loyalty, that their queries had delved into her subconscious, there was great danger that she would be offended. In that case, she would probably stop communication with every one of them.

Which, if she was indeed an ally, would be more than a shame but a tragedy.

"The question is, if it is there, do we want to see a person completely fall apart?"

Dia had hit the issue, and nobody felt qualified to answer yes or no.

-------- ----- ----- ------- ----------------

Kirney ran her way back to _Talon's Revenge_ with a speed she rarely used. Usually, running brought to much attention to her flight. Tonight, however, she had left a bombshell and had no intention of seeing it blow up in her face.

The Wraiths were unsure of her. They doubted her loyalty, couldn't consider her one of the team. At another time, Kirney might have been furious; today, she was just sad. Kolot would tell them of his rescue, and when questioned Tonin knew enough to relay the entire truth if anybody cared to listen. Well, except maybe some of those weaker moments on _Iron Fist_. Had Kirney the gall, she would have suggested he delete those memories, but Tonin insisted that they were his, and he could do what he liked.

Tonin also had a complete file of the episodes. Every single one. He had to; Kirney had tried to research them, found herself unable to find anything that marked them similar. It was a strange thing indeed to know that something was wrong in your mind, but have it completely shut down when you most wanted to know what the misfire was.

Kirney snuck into her shuttle bay, and climbed a bit to get to the shuttle. There she turned on a single light and headed to the main controls where Tonin waited with the message. "All right, show me the message," she whispered. "I put up with the coding, with your assurance that the Wraiths should think I was meeting a client. This had best be good."

The message came up immediately. It was General Cracken himself. Kirney let her breath catch in her throat, and nodded. Ton had done very well in suggesting she rush, and probably also in keeping the Wraiths in the dark. If it was Intel, she probably needed to keep it separate from her friendship. She immediately let her mindset switch from the jovial, friendly pilot to the calm, trained patterns of an Agent.

"White Lancer. My understanding is that you have had to pick up a very important package and hold it. Please keep the cargo safe for the next two standard days. On the third I will send a team to retrieve it from you. I apologize for any inconvenience in this unexpected pick up, but I assure you it was necessary.

"Be advised that this package comes to you at a very opportune time. It is possible, and indeed probable, that your identity has been in some way compromised. We are uncertain of the breech, but advise that you take additional precautions. Please take care of yourself. So long as you have company, it is advised you not go anywhere on your own. Mother, out."

Kirney looked at the spot for a full minute after the vision dissipated. "Don't go anywhere on your own," Kirney muttered. "NOW he tells me."

---- ---- ----- ----- ----

The visitors had no interest to Planeth. He left them at the tapcaf, pursuing his quarry. This Gara Petothel had strange friends, and was strangely overt for an Agent. Yet her persona had changed enough he might not have recognized her except for the straying of one hand to a specific place on her upper lip where once a beauty mark had existed.

The real Gara Petothel had been born with it, having it removed only later.

Planeth tailed her to the shuttle bay and took note of the number- just in case. Though he shouldn't need it…

Planeth was known for making a single move, just a single move, and gaining instant results.

------- --------------------- -- -----

Myn looked into the streets and resisted the desire to chuckle. So many sights and sounds to remind him of his childhood, of a time long ago and yet so important. He'd been a rebellious youngster, in spite of his current attitude, and every lane brought with it a memory. Here a place where he had won a sabaac tournament. Here where he had poured plasteel on one of his first commanders. Here where he had dug up the body of some strange animal…

And, on one corner, where he'd had his first kill as a sniper.

Tycho watched the young man's reactions with a sad smile, much as he always did when seeing someone go to a place they considered home. He himself would not have the experience, but it was nice to know that others could see their childhood memories saved due to the elimination of Imperial forces. It made the job worth it.

"We should figure out where the Kirney is," Myn suggested.

"Probably. Do you have the number for Slane Shipping with you?"

Donos nodded, and dug into one of his pockets. He came up with a commlink, and dialed, but the connection on the other end was busy.

"No luck," Myn frowned.

"Then we go where the shuttle captains hang out." Tycho took a glance around and finally pointed toward the west of the city. "That way, right?"

"Well- yes. How do you know?"

Tycho shrugged. "I noticed that there seems to be more open space there. Which either suggests open land, or pads. Figured in Coronet it was most likely to be pads."

Myn nodded and led the way. "Where are we going?"

Tycho looked at his watch. "A little bit early, but I still say we check out the cafs."

-------- -------- ----------------------- -----

Kirney considered her position. If she was a target, not much she could do to get out from under his finger. As suggested, it was best to stick with someone protective for a while. She cursed under her breath, wishing for once that she had let Kell come with her. This became even more obvious when she walked outside.

One does not train with Ysanne Isard for any amount of time without being able to tell when they were being watched.

"Poodoo." At least, that was Kirney's thought at first. She took a deep breath- _Just stay put. He won't come in, and soon the Wraiths will get here and all will be well._ And Kirney turned to walk back into the shuttle…

Suddenly, Kirney felt her breath catch in her throat. This was a horrible time for her to suddenly get sick. She thought for another second, and realized that her ears were ringing at the same time. She shook her head wildly, and then became very aware that something was wrong. She couldn't quite tell, but she had a good idea that it had to do with being watched.

In fact, Planeth was watching very closely as Kirney reacted to his particular type of paranoia. This is how he knew when he had crossed paths with Miss Kirney. This was the welcome her extra day away had earned her. It had allowed Planeth to research her specific genetic structure and create a spray that would smell pleasant enough to an outside observer…but cause her to turn completely crazy. Paranoia. Dementia. All sorts of fun.

He had no way to know that his potion wasn't working quite as he thought.

Because Kirney was already broken in that regard. For her, it was hardly even a trigger. It was sensory overload, and she found there was nothing to do but let it take its course.

Inside, Tonin scuttled about taking care of some tasks that he had been putting off.

Outside, Kirney found a moment to look up and meet the eyes of her attacker as he sauntered down to her location.


	9. Lies

_Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear_

_Sealed with lies through so many tears_

_Lost from within, pursuing the end_

_I fight for the chance to be lied to again_

_You will never be strong enough_

_You will never be good enough_

_You were never conceived in love_

You will not rise above 

_-Evanescence, "Lies"_

Tonin kept searching the data files in his memory, searching for a time his friend had been happy as Kirney. It was, understandably, difficult to find. Since leaving the Wraiths she had seemed distant and uncertain. Looking back on that time, the little droid calculated the possibility that she hadn't been happy then and found the odds strictly in favor of the possibility.

Troubled, the mechanical being let his thoughts go into storage.

---- ---- -------- -- --

Myn and Tycho had been searching through the cafs, finding no mention of a pilot called Slane. It seemed for a while that no such person existed. Exhausted, tired, the two continued until they were in the heart of the pilot's block. Five tapcafs existed in this section of the city, and the two took their time inquiring about Slane Shipping.

The name was apparently know, but nobody knew the whereabouts of Captain Slane.

Until they got to the "Unsober Rodent's Nest" just off the edge of the central traffic. In fact, Tycho would have passed it had Myn not seen the sign where it desperately tried to power off and go out of its misery. So they went in, pleasantly surprised to find it clean and large. Just enough room to get lost in a crowd, but not so crowded as to be loud. Perfect place to do business, or hideaway. It seemed as good a place as any to find not only Slane, but a bite to eat. Myn looked to Tycho with a shrug and gestured toward the dining area.

Tycho nodded in agreement and the two pilots moved to the bar.

"Got a menu around here?"

The barkeep nodded and gave a verbal accounting of all items in the back. Deciding it sounded fair, they took seats and chose to stay. When the man approached with drinks and the ordering devices, Tycho took the moment to casually mention Slane Shipping and the search he and his partner were having for the proprietor. "Old acquaintance of my friend here," Tycho explained.

"Slane was here not half an hour ago," the barkeep explained. "Not alone, for once. Rest of the party is right over there." With that, there was a nod to a table in the corner…

Myn followed the gaze and hardly concealed his jaw from dropping.

Because seated around a table was almost the entirety of Wraith Squadron, questioning what appeared to be a sentient ewok.

Myn waited a few minutes, nudging Tycho and drawing the older man's attention.

"I see an old friend I should say hello to."

Tycho glanced and recognized the others. "There a class reunion you hadn't told me about?"

"If so, they forgot to mail me the invitation."

---- ----- ------- ---

Kirney watched Planeth advance on her location with breathless anxiety. Actually, it was more likely that she was breathless due to the effects of his methods. Still, Kirney stood her ground, unable to move for the moment. She met the recruiter head on, defiance clear in her eyes.

"Miss Petothel."

Kirney sneered at the name, spitting at the character. "I'm sorry. Gara Petothel isn't here right now. May I take a message?"

Planeth reacted with vague amusement. "You talk pretty harsh for a delusional agent turned rogue who's stuck to her spot."

Kirney knew there was no sense at all in denying her position, as there hadn't been any reason to deny her identity. This man held all the cards in her deck and was pointing them to her. It was humorous: she'd known it could blow up, but had expected more fireworks somehow. She managed a shrug and let her eyes close. Her head spun, and had to come under control. It ached horribly, and that didn't include the burning sensation she had in her throat and eyes. She ran through a list of possible agents in her stream, and realized she was dealing with something uncommon. Strange. Probably good she was alone after all, so that nobody else was in contact with the item.

"I'm not here to kill you," Planeth assured suddenly.

Kirney considered this revelation and let the data fall in her mind where it may. The answer came to her very quickly. "You're here to recruit me, I take it, then," she offered, knowing that to be the only possibility. "For what agency?"

"Former Imperial Grand Admiral Thrawn requests that you join his ranks."

Kirney considered that for all of ten seconds. She was not familiar with Thrawn, but she did know Imperial Grand Admirals. The thought of serving one made her suddenly sick to her stomach, as if all the inner workings of her body twisted. Yet the grimace in her mind never made it to her lips. "Sorry. Not interested. I work on my own now."

"Good." Planeth shrugged. "That means there won't be anyone to interrupt as I repeat the offer."

"I won't help another self serving imperial hound," Kirney warned. She had regained some control of her head, so that it wasn't quite as difficult to think of more than a single thing. Even as she discussed and considered her position, she had regained the ability to assess her position. Tonin was inside, and would hear if she screamed… though she had little doubt that this enemy would get to her first. She had only a single weapon concealed on her person, and that slid into a boot that she might not get to if she had to defend herself…and she wasn't sure if she could move quick enough to do much of anything, the way she was being affected by his "presence."

_When I get into trouble, I really seem to get in trouble._

"Please, Agent Petothel. You don't want this to happen. If you get rid of me, then Thrawn just sends another team to try making a deal. If they don't succeed, maybe he sends another. And, in the end, if you won't serve him he's likely to send Noghri. That would be…most unpleasant."

Kirney thought about that. Noghri. The name sounded familiar, but with the pounding in her head she couldn't quite place it. Nevertheless, she didn't doubt that her attacker was right. She had not only to get away from him, but find a way to show she was not worth the pursuit. If she didn't, there was little question this Thrawn would succeed in the long run.

Which left her with only one option at this moment in time.

"I'm not making any promises," she warned, "but if you'll quit giving me a headache I'm willing to talk. I'm a business woman, and a reasonable person."

--- ------ -- -- -- --- --- --

Myn walked up to the table and put his arm around Face. "Well, if dead gorcats don't run amok," he greeted. "How are you?"

Face looked at Myn and let his jaw drop.

"It's Rymin, from CorSec, remember?"

"Rymin, yes," Dia offered. "Syrn has told us all about you."

Myn gestured for Tycho to join him, and soon they were seated at the Wraith's table.

"What brings you to Corellia?"

"Looking for Kirney, actually," Myn added off hand. "Seen her?"

"She went to take care of some business," Face responded with eyes wide. "I'm surprised you came looking for her."

"Well, er… "dad" asked me to come by, and I thought that while I was around it was good to look her up."

Face blinked, and took another sip of his drink. "I actually came to see Kirney myself. I ended up having to cut a job short, and contacted her for an impromptu meeting. We should start back to her ship soon. Care to join us?"

"Absolutely."

"But first, how about one last round of drinks? I'm sure Kirney's just fine, and we've got some things to catch up on."


	10. What If

_I know I can't hold the hate inside my mind _

_'Cause what consumes your thoughts controls your life_

_So I'll just ask a question _

A lonely simple question 

_-Creed, "What If"_

Kirney found herself grabbed harshly by the wrist and yanked from the shuttle bay. A curse almost found it way to her lips, but died before it reached them. Because even as she was forced away, she held to hope. And trust, in her old friends.

They would realize she was missing, and put together the clues, and come for her.

They were honorable people. Right?

Especially Garik- Face. He had always seen through her lies, Kirney knew. He was the one who would watch for her.

If she had told any of the Wraiths back then, Kirney knew that it would have been Face. She knew just how it would have happened, too. She would have walked right up to him, and whispered into his ear, "Coruscant. I'm from Coruscant. Remember that pretty little thing, years ago, who they had you take to a dance? That was me. I was Kirney Slane then."

In fact, she was surprised that he hadn't recognized her by the name. Or maybe he had. Perhaps that was what the kiss was about- the kiss they hadn't quite gotten to all those years ago.

Spinning, turning on a dance floor, learning a new dance…

Years ago.

"Years ago, on Corsucant…"

The truth came so easily at that point, with the Wraiths. She'd been dancing with Face again, and enjoying it- even if it was subterfuge. And when he'd caught her slip, the lie to cover quickly soured in her mouth. Luckily, her partner had taken it for a momentary uncertainty and ignored it.

He hadn't realized that it was a ghost out of his past as well. Taking Kirney, his assigned date, on the dance floor. And as the strains of that dance had ended, taking her in his arms in a pose that almost hit the holonews for the week, but instead just went into tabloids that nobody trusted. Before their lips met back then, Kirney had heard a noise in her ear telling her to return for debriefing. She had broken off.

And tonight…

"So, why did you launch me out onto the floor? Just looking after your wingman?"

Another person might have been taken aback by the question Face asked Lara at that point. Others might have given the game away. Lara found herself calm- a remnant of her old training taking over. As usual, when it would be difficult to tell a viable lie, it was best to tell a part of the truth.

Then the person who was truly Lara took over, and decided to be completely honest.

"Partly that. And, partly, I'm maneuvering you." Lara informed Face gently, letting her feet take over the dance moves. This had always been one of the easiest dances for her, one of the first she had learned as Kirney Slane all those years ago. This left her to put a little bit of flirt, acting as though she had designs on her dance partner.

Face took the bait. "I hate to disappoint you, but you're far from the first woman to do that."

In a different life, as Gara, the woman would have been abashed. Then again, that was the same part of her who would have found it wonderful fun to seduce the famous Garik Loran. As Lara, she had other reasons for the dance. "Ah, but how many women maneuver you to abandon you?"

Lara didn't wait for his reaction, and lifted her arms into the dance. Elated, she spun, letting her eyes connect to Wes Janson across the way. Her response was a wink, and soon she let her hands switch to his. Wes pulled her in slowly, with a laugh, as they finished the spin together and danced away from the new pair. They finished the dance with simpler moves, though both were expert enough not to step on each others feet.

"Good idea you had," Wes commented. "How did you come up with it?"

"Well, it was quite obvious they need to talk," Lara explained. "I just hope we did some good."

"I'm sure we did."

The last note died, and Wes began to open his mouth to ask if Lara wanted to continue for one more dance, when the pair was approached by the last figure either had expected to see. Myn Donos, a slight smile on his face, came in between the two and turned to Wes.

"Might I steal your partner, sir?" Myn asked.

"I don't know. I might not find someone else with such nimble feet."

Lara had giggled, though it was more from nerves than any true humor. She wondered, briefly, what was going on here. Then Myn took her hands, and Wes backed away, and Lara found herself unable to escape his hold.

"So, why the sudden desire to traipse around the dance floor?" Lara had asked weakly. 

"I was concerned about you," Myn replied honestly. "I wanted to check how you were doing. After… after Aldivy."

Lara looked away briefly. "I'm fine." After another moment, she had the courage to look back. "Shaken," she admitted, "but fine."

"That's good." Myn wondered at his heart in this matter. He found himself genuinely wanting to help her, to ensure her safety.

"Why the concern?"

Myn thought about that for a second, then answered, "You're a fellow pilot. Plus, the actions on Aldivy were a result of a mission I put together and guided you on- even if it was on your behalf. It's my duty."

Lara could have found that funny, but Gara didn't. And the two of them together found the resulting thought more than possibly bearable. "Duty," she whispered. "Myn, I'm not your subordinate, or even your wing. You reported Aldivy to others. How is this in any way your duty?"

Myn's only thought: **_She caught me there._**

There was no reply, which to Lara was worse than shouting.

"Myn," she asked after a moment of silence, "what brought you into Wraith squadron?" She knew part of the answer, and suddenly had a need to learn more- to know exactly why he had ended up in a squadron that had been comprised primarily of misfits. He had a sense of duty, a look of honor… something had happened, and it was more than simply the destruction of the Talons.

The answer was long in coming, as Myn Donos seemed surprised to be asked. He explained in very quick, very unwelcome terms what had happened to him after the destruction of his pilots, and with each word Lara found a little more of her heart going to him. And she also felt the screaming in her head…

_What have I done?_

"I would that it had never happened to you," she finally said.

"Well, it's not as if it were your fault."

And twelve words came into her head. Twelve words that would tell him everything. And, surprisingly, Lara almost found that she wanted to say them- to confess, to break down. But she couldn't, because she knew if she did he couldn't trust her. Trust was addicting, and his was so guarded that it felt particularly special. She wouldn't break it for the world. She could not say the truth, and she was not willing to lie, so she said nothing. Yet, in the dance, she leaned against him suddenly, closing the space between them, an action that only moments earlier she would not have thought possible.

---- ----- - ----- -- ----

Myn wasn't sure why the memory of that night suddenly tugged at him, and did his best to ignore it. It wasn't easy at first, and then his eyes went around the table.

In the corner. He hadn't noticed, because the figure was almost shorter than the table.

It was an ewok. And it was looking at him as though it knew him.

"Kettch, I presume?" Myn had joked.

"Kolot, actually," the ewok responded, "but you're close enough."

Myn blinked. "This is a bad joke, guys."

"No joke," Kell assured. "He's Kirney's copilot."

_This Kirney must lead an interesting life._

"I hadn't heard about him."

The next half hour was filled with laughs and fun, before the group noted the time on a chrono and chose to call it an evening. "She's probably waiting on us," Face- Syrn- had suggested, and Donos agreed.

They left as a group, Kell taking the front and Tycho in the back. That is, Tycho started out in back until Face tugged on Myn's sleeve and gestured that they should move slower. Soon the two men were at the back of the line, half a dozen meters behind the others.

"We need to talk," Face suggested. "It's about one of your old girlfriends. You won't like the conversation." 

"I won't? Why?"

"Because I have to find out how you could leave her behind."

Myn shrugged as he considered the possible women Face was talking about. His first thought went to Falynn or Lara… but they were both dead. So that wouldn't work. Face had never met Kaira, or Linette…

So they had to be talking about Shyren.

"I never knew who I was talking to one minute to the next," Myn explained. Shyren had been a bit of a ditz, though her intelligence was easily recorded in the top ten percent of the galaxy. Sometimes she had been so smart, and at others he was annoyed as all she seemed to want to do was shop.

"You know she's probably still hurting. After all, you all but shot her down."

"I thought I let her off fairly gently," Myn said, surprised. He knew Shy hadn't been happy when Myn told her it wasn't working, but he'd hardly say he shot her down! "It just wasn't going to work out, all right?"

"If you don't want her, can I go out with her?"

Myn considered that for a minute. "Friend, if you REALLY want to, be my guest. But be forewarned that she's a bit clumsy at times."

Face blinked. "Are we talking about the same thing?"

Myn nodded. "We must be."

"Myn, be honest. After- after Lara… well, did you get any interesting messages?"

"I didn't get any messages at all. For two weeks."

"Oh." And with that, the conversation was over.

--- ----- ---------

Tonin began to search the shuttle for Kirney once he realized he couldn't find her. He was dismayed not to find her on board, and went outside to see no sign other than a set of footprints…

Two sets of footprints.

Tonin gave a mournful, surprised whistle and tried to raise Kirney's commlink. It beeped- from inside _Talon's Revenge._ The droid gave what might have been a whimper, and beeped Kolot.


	11. Into the Ocean

_Now waking to the sun_

_I calculate what I had done_

_Like jumping from the bow_

_Just to prove I knew how_

_It's midnight's late reminder of_

_The loss of the one I love_

_My will to quickly end it all_

_Set front row in my need to fall_

_-Blue October "Into the Ocean"_

Kirney Slane was in trouble.

Not that she hadn't known that earlier, but as they got closer to the waterfront the feeling became much more keen and her stomach began doing somersaults. The waterfront was a bad place to end up at the mercy of someone seeking to cause her harm. Once away from her shuttle, Planeth had introduced himself and sprayed some horrid perfume in her face.

At least her headache and throat constriction had gone away.

"Thrawn is willing to offer you quite a signing bonus," Planeth chatted as they walked along the waterfront. He tried to pretend he was being friendly, business like, but Kirney harbored no illusions about her position: she was his hostage, surely as if he had tied her in ropes or bound her with chains. She was on very shaky ground.

And the water was very cold. And used to having bodies of people who made ill business arrangements thrown in it.

"It better be quite a bonus," she lied. It had to sound like she was considering it, like it was possible, even as it boiled her blood.

-- ----------- ----

Kell was surprised to run straight into Tonin as he neared the shuttle. The droid was beeping wildly. "Slow down. I'm not as quick as Kirney." The droid repeated slowly, but the larger man still shook his head. "I'm sorry- I don't understand."

No option left, Tonin played the message from Cracken.

Leaving Kell stunned.

"Oh no."

------- ----- ----

"Not nearly enough," Kirney answered. "Sorry."

"It isn't a request. You accept or I get to kill you."

Kirny thought about that a moment- only not in the way Planeth thought. She was considering the chances of getting to her vibroblade where it rested in her boot, and advancing before the other human had a chance to reach his own concealed weapon- wherever it was. And she had no guarantee that he didn't have a blaster, and could draw it prior to her most basic attack.

_Never leave yourself without options. An agent without options is useless, and therefore dead._ Kirney found that she knew that voice, steeled with ice and heartless. It was Ysanne Isard- Sunny, as some of the other teachers would refer to her when her back was turned. Those that had known her as a child, at least, and relayed stories of her youthful games of hide and seek with biologically hazardous chemicals.

The voice was right. So Kirney reached into her mind, hoping to find some sort of way out other than luck. It should have come easily- as a code slicer, she had always found that there was a back door. In real life, it had once seemed just as true.

Just- not tonight.

0---- -- --- ------------- --------------

"I think she's in trouble," Kell told the others as they gathered, hearing the last part of the message. "Ton here started by beeping up a storm."

Kolot pushed forward. "Just got message. Kirney gone?"

A woeful blat responded.

Myn looked at the astromech for a moment as he came up with Face behind the others. Some recognition shone in his eyes, but he shrugged it off quickly.

--- --- ------------------ --------- ---

"Let me explain my position here. Corellia is a free planet, not part of any Imperial regime. If I do this, it is considered subterfuge. They find out you're filtering anything through me, they are in their rights to execute me. Then you lose an agent. And I'm dead. Neither of us would gain."

"Thrawn protects his agents better than that."

Kirney shifted uncomfortably, looking over her shoulder to the waterway. "No Imperial Admiral has offered protection in the case of failure- even a slight failure."

"No other Imperial Admiral is like Thrawn."

Kirney chuckled. "How different can one be from the next? You're going to have to make quite a case to get me to believe that."

---- --- - -- -------

Kell went into the cargo bay and sought out a few crates he'd had his eye on. Alone, none of the elements were likely to do anything. Together, they would make a small bang.

It wasn't much, but it would distract in a jiffy.

"Hey Myn," he called up, "got something that'll shoot long range with you?"

"Always."

Face leaned against one of the walls, a datapad in his hand. "How are we going to find out where our dear old friend wound up?"

"That's the easy part," Myn supplied. "Most Corellians know that the waterways is the best place for a dirty dealing. If this agent is in trouble, that's the first place I'd look."

"If this plan is going to work, we're going to have to trust a lot of things." That was Shalla. "Are we sure this is on the level?"

"Core, Shalla! She's in trouble."

"Could be. COULD be in trouble."

"She's in trouble."

Myn resisted the urge to be confused. "I'm going to check my settings," he suggested, walking out of the area. He would have to make sure everything was in order if he planned on doing some shooting, and this seemed as good a time as any…

--- ---------- ------ -

"I think I have a way to make you see the light." With that, Planeth reached into his pocket…

Kirney tensed, but was surprised when he pulled out a simple holograph.

"That," he provided, "is Grand Admiral Thrawn."

Kirney looked at the holo.

Her world promptly erupted into stars and bombs.

------------------- - ---- --------- --

Face walked along the waterway with Tyria. They didn't stand out in the least, looking more like shadows than anything else. Both kept their eyes ahead and their ears open, searching for Kirney. Myn had assured everyone that this was the most likely spot, and chances were that he was absolutely correct. Face for one couldn't think of a sleazier, dirtier place to do business.

About five pairs of people were in plain view, and the waterway stretched about twice his field of vision in either direction. He knew that Myn was set up on a nearby rooftop, ready to provide cover in case of difficulty, and that his view was probably better.

Would he even recognize Kirney when he saw her?

"Any sign of the Lancer?" Kell asked over the direct link. He was at a far end, ready to make a lovely display to distract whoever had gotten hold of Kirney.

"Negative. Wait- hold on…"

On the other side of the water, there was a pair. The shorter of the two stopped, and the other turned abruptly to keep the partner in plain view. The shorter one held something in their hands, and yet even as Face realized this fact the object dropped from their hand.

"Ty?"

"Whoever it is, they're in distress."

"Sithspit. We're on the wrong side… Shadow Guest, do you have a visual?"

"I…do."

Face heard the voice, listened to its lack of quality. And knew for certain that Myn had a target lock, and the right one.

_Guess he does recognize her after all._

- ------- --- --- -

Kirney dropped the holo. She didn't remember doing it, didn't remember holding it. She just dropped it. Her feet stopped, though she willed them to go on. Her hands grew cold, and she felt suddenly very tired.

"Grand Admiral Thrawn," she whispered.

"He is a member of a race called the Chiss," Planeth offered. Kirney didn't hear him, couldn't hear him. The words didn't make sense, even if they had made it to her brain.

_It's happening again._

That was the only thought that was allowed in Kirney's head. the only one there was room for suddenly. She had nothing to stand on, no anchor this time.

"No." The word escaped her lips, though she wasn't sure what it meant.

Planeth grabbed her harshly. It actually was a good thing, because at that moment Kirney's legs were not steady, could not hold her. It was as if every bone in her body suddenly snapped, and refused to mend. It was not something she would remember later- if there was a later- and at that moment it didn't register. It was numbness.

Nothing but numb.

"You're coming with me," Planeth explained harshly. "You are coming now."

Kirney just barely nodded, unable to do anything but follow orders.

----- ------ ---- ---

"Take the shot."

That was Face's voice over the commlink, and Kell was making a lovely show on the other end of the waterway. Yet neither quite registered in Myn's mind as swiftly as seeing the petite form on the other end of his sights.

_You have to be kidding._

It took several seconds to realize that she wasn't the target, but the one who needed protecting. It became obvious when she was grabbed in such a way that even Myn winced- that was going to leave some lovely bruises.

The firewords ended.

"Any time."

"He didn't go for it," Myn reported hastily. "I don't want to hit the agent. Right now, she would be my main target."

That was greeted by quiet. "Understood. Now what?"

Myn thought about that and watched. Then he saw her nod at the man, and walk with him, and his heart sank. _She's one of them._

------- --- ---

Kirney felt like there was something wrong, even if she had no idea what it was or why.

"Thrawn is going to love you. So susceptible to conditioning."

That was it. She was being led somewhere, following an order. That felt right, though; it was how things were in the scheme of things. Why would she disobey?

"I have to do this for me."

The thought took her by surprise. She wasn't sure where it came from, though she was vaguely aware that the voice was her own.

"I have to do this because it's right."

Blink. Blink. There was something she was supposed to do, someone she was supposed to be.

"I have to do this because I have nothing else to do."

The figure leading her was silent, but exuded triumph. Suddenly, it made her very mad. She pushed him in front of her, stepping back half a step…

----- -------- ---

Myn watched as she pushed her aggressor forward, and stepped out of the sensor. Knowing it was what he wanted to do, he took careful aim…and the shot rang out, true.

--- ---- ----------- ---

Planeth was surprised to be hit by something so uninteresting as a bullet. He had only a moment for thought, realizing that he was done for. He knew taunting would be useless with this girl, and she looked uncertain enough that it would mean nothing. All he could do was deny these people their prize, the agent he had come to collect.

Kirney was only half a step away from him. With the last of his strength, Planeth lunged at her…

They fell together into the waterway, his weight on top of her forcing her down. Just before he drowned, Planeth spared a moment to be surprised that she wasn't even fighting the drift to the bottom of the water lane.

- --------- ----

In actuality, Kirney did register the sinking sensation, felt the water close over her even as she didn't understand it. Instead, she just accepted what was happening and vaguely wondered why the feeling was so very familiar…

"All the furniture that made up the way I'd thought and felt about things in my life started coming loose in my head. Nowadays it slides around and breaks into pieces and I have no idea what parts of it are real and what aren't. It hurts, and a lot of the time I don't know who I am anymore. But I know what I have to do."

-- ------ ------ ----

Myn hadn't realized how fast he could move. He didn't stop to gather anything, suddenly running down the steps toward the waterways where he had seen her be pushed into the ebb and flow.

By the time he got there, Face and Tyria were already bobbing up and down, looking for any sign of her.

Three minutes had passed.

Myn made eye contact with Tyria, gave a brief nod, and joined the search. Underwater, it was dark and somewhat cold…

His hand grabbed onto something that had once been living. But it was colder, older…had been submerged longer. He kept going.

Just before coming up for air, his hand hit something that was still vaguely warmer than the water. Grasping, hoping, he pulled it up with him.

Above, in the evening light, he was able to see that he had indeed grabbed the correct person. Within minutes he had her on the shore- the others walking glanced their way, but kept about their business. Myn ignored Face and Dia as they approached, concentrating on his newly returned flame.

She choked a bit, and sputtered water. Her eyes opened to slits, but beyond that there was no response.

"Myn…" Face began.

"You don't get to say anything," Myn warned darkly.

"I just thought this was a bad place to stay for long."

Myn looked around and realized he had to agree. Convinced that Kirney was indeed still breathing, and normally at that, he admitted that Face had a point. "Then let's get out of here."

A sentence came to his mind unbidden. It was a thought Myn had analyzed a few times, and now found he had an answer for. The answer had been tested, and proven, only minutes ago.

"I was just sort of hoping that you wouldn't hate me anymore…I wish I'd been someone else. To give you that chance you wanted."


	12. Us

_I've seen the storm inside you_

_All through the day I know it never leaves you_

_Not in that way_

_I've seen your empty mind is easy when it's drugged_

I've watched you fall out of bed and then scrape up your back 

_Well, maybe this life is like your head._

_-Peter Yorn, "For Us"_

Kolot hardly had to look at Kirney and he instictively knew what had happened. By the time they'd made it back to Talon's Revenge, she was mostly upright though she did lean on Myn's shoulder heavily. To Myn, and indeed to the others, it must seem strange indeed, but Ko immediately understood what was going on.

"Sit," the ewok ordered as she entered. This she did, knees landing hard on the floor. Myn followed her down, watching the ewok as he took on a strangely commanding presence. He moved behind her, almost expecting to have to catch her before her head hit the deck, but found she was surprisingly steady.

Kolot grabbed Kirney's hand and turned it over in his. He looked at her eyes, what little he could, and observed her lack of expression. With a shake of his furry head, Kolot stuck his tongue out at her- to see no reaction.

"Lara Notsil, you stupid traitor," he said slowly.

Myn's eyebrows went up. "Wait a minute…"

Yet that brought a response. Kirney let her eyes open, and seemed to sigh. "I'm sorry," she explained, "Lara Notsil isn't here right now. Would you like to leave a message?" The words were deadpan, spoken almost as if being generated by a machine.

The next word was likely an ewok curse that nobody else knew, before Kolot explained, "It's a code we have. She can't respond to much in this state, but we were able to condition this verbally. We picked the strongest trigger possible- to see if it shocked something out."

Face is the one who nodded. "Breaking through to her real self. That must have taken a long time."

Kolot shrugged. "Yes." Then he tapped his partner on the elbow, seeing that she only shuddered- as if being brushed by the wind. Myn instinctively supported her shoulders, surprised when she leaned into the touch. Then, the ewok explained, "At least, getting something in herself to tell me when she was in trouble. It hasn't proved a link back."

Turns within turns, each one more familiar. "How long is this going to last?" Myn asked.

To which the ewok had no answer. "Last time, one hour. Time before, two days. First time, one week. No pattern."

It had felt strange being on Corellia. It had felt strange seeing the Wraiths. It had felt very strange seeing Lara again.

Having her in front of him, unresponsive and confused, was absolutely proposterous. It felt like going insane.

"What do we do now?"

Kolot considered that. In the past, they had tried many things. They'd let it run course, the results of which were disasterous- even on coming out of this state, she hadn't been able to talk for hours. There was no use in trying to talk her out of it, because she rarely replied and never remembered what was happening…

Then again, that was a droid and an ewok. And even when they did it, she seemed better off for the interaction.

What would happen if..?

"I can't do much besides keep her out of trouble." The ewok found it hard to admit, even in its truth. "Your turn."

--- ------ -

That is the reason why, minutes later, Kolot had gently coaxed Kirney into what appeared to be a very comfortable corner. Myn was moderately surprised by the corner's very existence, as it seemed designed specifically for this sort of a crash. Then again, Ko proved such an expert that Myn thought it best not to ask if the space was specifically designed for this- somewhere, he already knew the answer.

It was disconcerting to realize this happened a lot.

Myn was vaguely aware that some of the other Wraiths were around, having returned from their various duties and taken note of the scene. He didn't care. He stayed by Kirney, wondering what to do next. The only one whose attention was notable was Tycho, because somewhere in his mind the older pilot appeared to be analyzing data and trying to figure out the situation. Maybe, later, Myn would ask for those observations. It was probably best not to.

The name that Myn said next was uncertain. He didn't know why, but it was the one he should have been afraid to say. Yet it was gently done, and he realized that it didn't matter so much that he would once have spat it out in hatred.

"Gara?"

--- ---------- ----

The voice was unexpected. That was probably the only reason that it really registered.

"Gara?"

And somewhere inside, she felt a hint of recognition. Confusion. The automatic response died, and she couldn't do anything. Yet she felt her ear twitch, alert.

"Come on, this isn't funny."

_And you don't see me laughing._ It was a thought from another person, from another life, and yet it felt natural. It was humor. Dark humor, but humor nonetheless.

"Still trying to hide from yourself, Gara?"

_**Nobody knows who I am… least of all me.**_

Her eyes opened more to take in this person who she was certain she knew. He had set himself directly across from her, and was watching her reactions carefully with a very genuine look of concern.

Whatever they did to my head, I want it gone… 

The thought was very vivid, a single moment of lucidness. Yet she knew it had been happening a lot, especially these past few days. Hours. Days. Days were hours.

Only one real truth stuck out.

"I'm not Gara."

----- ----- -----

Myn was taken slightly aback by her voice. Not only the words, but the fact that she seemed to find quite a bit of strength to put behind them.

"Who are you, then?"

That created a pause, and her eyes shut completely. Myn was about to reach out, to touch her and let her know he was there, when she said a single word. "Someone."

It was a start. Behind him, Kolot seemed to echo that sentiment.

Kirney leaned into the corner, eyes still closed. She let out a single whimper and slid down. Myn leaned forward, not at all surprised to determine that she had fallen asleep.

Then he turned around and looked right at Face, a strange light in his eyes.

"Now, would you care to explain your earlier request to go out with my old girlfriend- or the fact that you asked me about messages?"

------------- - ---- -------- - --- -

Face was stunned and stepped backward automatically. "She told me about the message," he sputtered. "I just found out when she came and got us. I had no idea… no idea."

Myn nodded. "I might just believe that. Can you answer the other one?"

"I…" Face stuttered a bit, then defended, "I was joking."

"Of course." Myn glanced back towards Kirney, then walked away. "I don't believe you."

Myn found it was quite easy just to walk away. It felt good, too. He wound up at the front of the shuttle, leaning back in the pilot seat and looking into the sky, wondering what had happened to lead to this point and realizing that he didn't quite care.

---- ------ -------

Meanwhile, Tycho was sitting down to have a chat with Tonin just outside of the shuttle. "I was just thinking about what happened. With Kirney. Learning about Thrawn. Wondered- how many times has it happened in the past?"

A thoughtful chirp before Ton sent the answer on a readout. - - Eight. - - Then, with a squeek, that disappeared and he sent up isntead – - Nine - -

"That one was when she was with the Wraiths, I take it? The one you just added?"

Bleep. No need to look on anything to tell that was affirmative.

"And one of those was immediately after Iron Fist?"

Bleep.

"Discounting those two, are there any common elements?"

Splat. Ok, no.

"You're certain?"

Bleep.

"Ton- is there any possibility… I might be grasping at something… are you certain that there weren't nonhumans near her in all other instances?"

Quiet for a moment. Then…

Whir.

- - You have a theory. - -

"I just might. Though even with a theory, it might be difficult to clear this issue."

----- --- ------------

None of the Wraiths found they really wanted to get to sleep that night. Or at least, they didn't go to bed. Kell and Tyria spent the night on top of Talon's Revenge, looking at the stars until morning dawned. Face went for a prolonged walk with Elassar. Shalla and Dia spent the evening trading spots between Kirney and Myn- Kirney seemingly asleep, and Myn silently awake. Kolot had decided to go over some notes with Runt, the two of them sharing information and theories. And Tycho and Tonin created some theories of their own…

The sun was just peering over the top of the horizon when Tycho came back into the shuttle, glancing at where Dia sat sleepily in a seat near Myn. Tycho tapped her shoulder and gestured towards the back, and Dia nodded understanding before sliding back towards the corner with Kirney and Shalla.

Tycho the proceeded to mimic Myn's motion, coming up as if trying to see the other pilot's vantage point.

"Sky's not that interesting, Leiutenant."

Myn responded almost immediately. "Perhaps not. I'm not looking at the sky."

"Seen your share of sunrises, then?"

Myn shifted uncomfortably. "Something like that."

"Myn, there's a question I want to ask. Now that I've spoken with Ton there." Tycho gestured over his shoulder to the droid, who was just entering the shuttle and plugging in to an electric source. "Will you try to answer it?"

"If I can." The voice was low, and almost annoyed.

"The way I understand it, you were making romantic passes at the pilot known as Lara Notsil."

"Correct."

"You had promised to get to know who she was, and asked her to give it a chance, and then promptly fired at her in your first test of loyalty."

"Is there a question somewhere?"

"There is." Tycho seemed to pick at his words for another second before casually asking, "I was wondering why you would want to shoot her down?"

Myn stuttered. "I don't think I was myself. I flashed…"

"That's impossible, and you know it," Tycho insisted. "You may not have control of your mind, but you always control your heart. So, tell me, why did you fire on her?"

"I don't know. I don't remember."

"Try."

"No."

"Try."

"It's because you know, don't you?"

---**_You know, don't you Face?---_**

"I know that you're Gara Petothel."

The words had hardly made it into Myn's mind at the time. But, now that he looked back on the situation with eyes not clouded by rage or sorrow, he could remember it all.

Lara's answer had, in retrospect, sounded sad. Without the memories of Talon Squadron running in his mind, Myn was struck by how long it took for any response to come. The first indicator wasn't words, but something akin to a whimper. Then, just before she spoke, a sigh of relief. "I never betrayed you." The words were strange, calm. Spoken from a head that could be void of emotional attachment.

"I'm glad," Face had said, simply.

"I tried so hard, just to be Lara." The voice wasn't pained, but still very calm. Yet they were soft- dangerously soft. "But they wouldn't let me. The whole universe wouldn't let me."

"Lara, I'm sorry. I have to place you under arrest…"

Even now, the next turn of events was indescribable. It was a blur, and quite uncertain. Myn vaguely remembered moving his x-wing into firing position, but the motion didn't make sense. And then, the most heartbreaking sound in the world.

Lara's voice, stung and defeated. Yet the words were calm, coming out slowly.

"Maybe you ought to let him shoot me, sir."

Myn remembered hearing the words, and they didn't surprise him. What did surprise him was what he did next…

Eyes closed. Two deep breaths. _I can't do it. I can't take the shot._

Because it was LARA. No matter who she had been, she was still the same scared woman he had come to know, the same person who was nervous in his arms. The same person who made him feel whole again, who brought out his willingness to live. It was Lara, even if she had many other names.

Myn raised his hands to his eyes, then slammed them down…

Right onto the firing button.

Stunned, Myn looked at the torpedo stupidly on his sensor, seeing how it weaved right towards its target. Only he didn't see Face's x-wing in the way; he was focused on Lara. He felt a twinge of fear, of guilt, and moved quickly to detonate it before it could hurt her.

Then the haze was gone, and true memory took over. Tycho's voice, giving orders. Stunned amazement, thinking that he had just fired on the one person he considered important. Lara leaving, making a conscious choice to head into danger.

Yet those memories meant nothing. Myn now understood his own shock, and why he had so efficiently blocked the memory. He had decided, somewhere between locking onto her target and firing, that Lara wasn't the enemy. He had decided that Talon Squadron didn't require her to die.

Myn had decided, in that moment, to forgive her. Then a stupid mistake had made him fire on her. It was a moment that even now he wasn't sure he would be able to accept- that he had knowingly turned a torpedo on someone he considered, in his heart, an ally.

"Tycho," Myn sighed, finally able to answer the question, "you asked why I fired on her. To be honest, I don't think I did."


	13. The Truth?

_No there's nothing you say that can salvage the lie_

_But I'm trying to keep my intentions disguised_

_And now I'm deprived of my conscience _

_Something's got to give_

_Deprived of my conscience_

_This all belongs to me_

_I'm beaten down again, I belong to them_

_Beaten down again, I've failed you_

_-Seether, "Truth"_

Kirney recognized the corner before she was even fully awake. Something inside her rolled its eyes and groaned, though it wasn't an audible thing. It had happened again- she had begged the Force to keep it from her, and yet here she was again. As she had been too many times.

Kirney was almost afraid to ask what had happened.

There was something different about this time. Something felt wrong- or, rather, it felt RIGHT. Every time, she had come back to herself in something of a daze, slight moments slipping out of time and a very distinct fatigue running through her body. This time, she was surprised to find that she was comfortable and well rested. Somewhere, somehow, she had slid from the usual episode into normal sleep.

Someone must have been looking out for her.

"Ko?" she asked quietly, sensing something out of the ordinary. She stretched and let her eyes open at the same time…

And found herself looking at Dia.

_That's right. NOW I remember._ Kirney looked at the twi'lek across from her and smiled.

"Well that must have been an adventure," Kirney offered. Suddenly, she had a very distinct knot in her stomach, and she moved from being afraid to ask what had happened to knowing quite distinctly that she didn't want to know.

"A little bit of one, yes," Dia noted. "Better this morning I take it?"

Surprised, Kirney answered "Yes."

Dia considered Kirney strangely for a second, but her attention was diverted when another figure came dashing into the room.

"Hello." That was Kolot, whose short legs had run him across the cargo hold to offer his friend a hug. Kirney accepted the hug, then set to unwrapping herself from her position.

A hand set itself in front of Kirney's eyes, and she took it unthinkingly. Then she was up, and had to deal with the person the hand was attached to…

Kirney's heart immediately skipped a beat, and in fact seemed to jump into her throat. She swallowed hard and would have ended up back on the floor if the wall wasn't situated in perfect position for her to simply lean on.

"It's you," she stated simply.

"It's me," Myn confirmed.

"I didn't expect to see you here."

Myn shrugged. "I could say the same thing."

A variety of possibilities swam in Kirney's mind, but she pushed them all to the back and simply pushed forward. "What is our schedule like, Ko?" she asked, choosing to get to the point. There was no reason to dote on memories of Myn Donos, no reason to question him. She had no desire to push towards him just to be flared against. She would be civil, and hope he did the same.

"Two days until rendezvous."

"We need to hole up until then. Fast." Kirney ran a hand through her hair, finding it rather like a nest for dying mynocks. "And then I'm taking a shower."

---------- --------- --- --

General Airen Cracken was a very patient man. He could handle any setback, and was quite used to having to handle many different types of problems. He was not, however, prepared in any way for the information that he found on his desk by his usual cup of caf.

Thrawn had decided to call a second agent into play concerning the Slane problem. Which could only cause Cracken headaches.

It left him with an interesting conundrum.

There were currently two Rogues who should have made contact with Miss Slane, and may be providing some cover for her. Additionally, the Wraiths last communiqué indicated that they were calling in the listed back-up transport: which meant they too would be around her. However, Slane would soon have to leave Corellia to drop off her Wraiths, and it only made sense that her Rogue protection should leave at the same time, or else there was clear danger that they would disappear with her in case of trouble.

Kirney Slane would be on a Republic base within hours. This in itself might blow her cover, and even if it didn't there was no reason to keep her on the front line any longer. Even if that was where she seemed most comfortable.

If Kirney Slane came under the protection of the New Republic, someone would have to declare without a doubt that her actions were forgiven in order to protect her from charges of high treason. Which meant Cracken would have to leak the Corellia plan.

Was it time? A year of this quiet observance, with the detail that Kirney Slane was able to put in her reports, was more than enough for him to analyze. Though it did mean that she was going to lose her autonomy.

This was going to take some consideration.

Cracken sat down to his caf, and started processing more reports, ignoring two that should never have skipped his notice. One was a simple flag that there might be false beacons set up near the new base on Balmorra. The other was a weather report that said base expected to have heavy freeze warnings in and around the narrow canyons. Either one on its own might have been unimportant, but the two of them together would have given the head of New Republic intelligence a headache of an entirely different sort.

---- -------- ---- --- -

Kirney stepped out of the fresher running a comb furiously through her hair. Tonin stopped her as she exited, beeping something that nobody else found intelligible.

"Glad to hear it, Ton," Kirney responded. "The further Coronet, the better."

Click.

"Don't remind me."

Blat.

"Why don't you ask him? You're much better with people than I am."

Face wandered over, chuckling as he overheard part of the conversation. "I don't know, Kirney," he observed, "you've never seemed to have a problem."

"Perhaps," Kirney noted, "you simply never got the change to really talk to me?"

Her hand still fought with her hair, the brush apparently not doing much good in her hands. She took a look around, noting that there seemed to be nobody else around. "Are we alone?"

"Well, Kell and Tyria have holed up in your room for the moment- most of the Wraiths are having some sort of conversation with Myn in the cargo bay, and have shut the door- and Celchu has taken your copilot out on the roof, doubtless to find out if Janson ever knew him." Face looked at Kirney's trouble and sighed. "Give me that comb, for Force's sake, before you tear your hair out."

Kirney handed over the offensive object, taking her usual seat as Face moved behind to attack the hair from a new direction. "Careful," she warned. "I have a tendency to squirm."

"I thought you had a higher tolerance for pain than that," Face observed, rushing the comb through a particularly nasty knot. Kirney's response was a hiss, and one hand raised to slap his. The comb fell to the floor, and both leaned down to reach it- their hands finding not the utensil for hair assortment, but each other.

Kirney looked up, surprised, as some sort of static took effect and let a light shock run through their hands. Face took the moment to grab the comb and resume his hobby.

"You're pretty good at that," Kirney observed.

"I was an actor. I'm supposed to know everything about looking your best. I think I remember how brushes work."

The major offenders out, Kirney turned her head and offered her hand. Face set the brush down in her palm, but did not let go. Instead, he leaned in closer…

Kirney gravitated towards him, then pulled back. "I can't do this."

"Why not?" With that one comment, Face caught her up in a kiss, surprised when she pulled up quickly.

"I said no," she whispered. "I mean it."

From the doorway, Myn watched in fascination. He hadn't thought any woman able to resist the charms of the great Garik Loran, yet here he was watching Kirney pull away when the former child heartthrob attempted to seduce her. It was better than watching _The Black Bantha_ while Face squirmed in irritation.

"Why not?" That was Garik, questioning her pulling away, repeating his earlier question.

"Garik, that was a childhood dream. A childish crush from years ago."

This was new. She spoke as if she had known him…

"You know, sometimes I think one dance with you ruined me for anyone else."

Kirney seemed to blush a shade of red. "I didn't know if you remembered."

"How could I forget the best night of my life in Imperial service? Kirney. I should have known it was you right off." He tried to move in and kiss her again, but Kirney put her hand up and turned back to the viewport.

"That was a long time ago, Garik. If I'd been the agent I was supposed to, I wouldn't even remember it."

Face tried to put his arms on her shoulders, but Kirney deftly pushed them away. She stood, throwing the hairbrush that had started this horror on the ground and moving towards Myn…

Myn was torn between walking up to her and keeping himself hidden. In the end, he backed away and let her pass, choosing not to notice him as she found her way onto the top of the shuttle where she would have both moderate safety and a degree of solitude…

That is, if it hadn't been where Tycho and Kolot had taken up their own discussion.

---- - ---- - -- -- ------ ----

Kirney stepped out onto the top of Talon's Revenge hardly breathing. The weather was warm, and the sky clear as she walked out with her eyes woard the stars. Somewhere she remembered that she had always enjoyed stargazing, that it calmed her. She smiled slightly and looked parallel.

Kolot was there, talking with Tycho Celchu of Rogue Squadron. In her head, Kirney went over everything she knew of the older man who had taken an interest in her copilot. He was from an earlier age, a former Imperial ace who had turned Rebel when Alderaan was destroyed. She considered this information, realizing she knew very little outside of this, besides that he was one of Wedge Antilles' best friends. She came nearer, not surprised when Kolot greeted her with a salute and headed out.

Kirney was surprised. Kolot had, for the past year, been her best friend- in some ways, her only friend. Since the Wraiths had arrived, she found that they were pulling apart a little bit. And this in a shuttle that usually felt cramped with three, much less fifteen.

Mentally, Kirney made a note to talk to the little guy and find out what was going on. If he was moving towards being friends with her former squadmates, that was for the best, but if he was actually pulling away there could be trouble.

It took another second before she realized she was alone with the Rogue pilot Tycho Celchu on the top of her shuttle.

"Captain Celchu," Kirney greeted, tentative. Here was a man she knew little about, apparently a friend of Myn's, who had made it onto her shuttle. He really was the one stranger aboard.

"We've met before, and with this ship at your command we have similar rank," the man insisted. "I suggest you just call me Tycho at this point."

"If you like," Kirney offered, sounding as if she replied off-hand. In truth, it was very strange to be calling someone who had been a superior officer, who she had met as Lara Notsil and called by his rank, by his first name. Not to mention the odd sensation of referring to anybody she once thought of as a Rebel by some noun other than "scum." It was, however, not impossible, since she'd been trained as an intel agent to go along with almost anything. "I suggest that the best name for me at this point would be Kirney. But I'll keep you updated of any changes, Tycho."

A friendly nod replied to this observation, as Tycho continuted, "Nice ship you have here."

"She's the best." Kirney let pride swell up, the last pride she really knew. She commanded her own ship, after all! And it was a beauty. "Don't have any real weaponry on her yet, but I've got a contact says they might be able to find something." Kirney chuckled at that, then added, "Well, so long as I keep the guns pointed the other way."

"Likely to do that?"

That was an interesting question, considering. "Yes," Kirney answered slowly, "I believe I'm likely to do that. Why do you ask?"

"No offense. When I first saw you, I'm not sure you would have known which way to point to get at your enemy."

Kirney shrugged. "That would be why I haven't taken the chance yet."

"Your contact," Tycho continued, "wouldn't happen to be captain an Imperial Star Destroyer?"

Kirney laughed, though the brief chuckle sounded forced. "Why, what would make you think that?"

"I know Booster myself." Then, cautiously, he added, "Do you trust him?"

Kirney thought about that a second. "He'd do anything for you, so long as you could convince him it was his idea, and he runs a tight enough ship. Going on board the Venture is hard, but it always proves worth it. So yes, I suppose I trust him."

Tycho actually smiled. "A hard man, Terrik. One of the shwedest men in the galaxy- possible at the very top, to be honest. And I'd sooner wrestle a wampa than actually have to work at making the man like me." Then he moved his gaze to the woman beside him, who seemed rather focused on his words. "Does he trust you?"

Kirney considered her first meeting with the man. She had just purchased the Revenge, and was working on falsifying her name. When Cracken had heard of her difficultly, he had immediatly sent a call for her to meet on the Errant Venture- where she had finished the job and gathered the rest of the needs for her identity. Booster Terrik had insisted on meeting her, probably considering bankrolling her for himself...and had come out of that meeting tossing a job offer right in front of her. Oh, it wasn't the kind that most could see, but anyone trained as well as she could easily tell that he was asking for something a little more than creds when he mentioned payment for use of the Venture. Kirney hadn't agreed right off, and had yet to talk with him again, but she had a feeling that the offer still stood. Code slicers were always in need when information was your trade.

And there had been the offer of helping find some gadgetry for her ship. He'd made the offer, saying he supposed he could outfit her so long as he didn't end up looking at his own weapons. The comment had been made lightly, as though he couldn't imagine her turning on someone who'd helped her.

"I think he does."

"Do you trust yourself?"

Again, that was an odd question. And Kirney had an odd answer. "Does anyone?"

"Not," Tycho said, voice at a whisper, "until you've had to."

Quiet between them. Finally, Kirney asked, "And have you had to?"

"A few times."

Kirney considered that. "I don't know if I trust myself. Even after- after everything."

Tycho did his best to keep the conversation civil, as he hadn't really talked with her before, but found that he was hard pressed not to yell at her. "You made a conscious decision to turn on an impressive warlord, and in the process did your best to clear your mind of heavy imperial conditioning with no help at all, and you don't trust yourself."

"Anyone could have done that much in my situation," Kirney protested.

"No," Tycho corrected, "they couldn't."

"And how would you know?" Kirney did her best to remain calm, simply inquisitive, without accusing Tycho of any insensitivity.

Which was good. Because then Tycho proceeded to tell her exactly how he knew.

--------- ---------- - -------- --- -------

"I'd heard about Lusankya, of course," Kirney explained about an hour later. "Now that you mention it, I remember hearing something about that trial as well. I never really had the chance to put it all together like that."

"So I suppose you understand a little more of where I'm coming from now."

"It puts a new perspective on the whole thing," Kirney admitted. Then, quieter, "I knew Iceheart, you know. She was one of my cruelest teachers, and I was considered her favorite." A shudder ran down her spine at the vague memory. "I believe the woman slept with reptiles under her pillow just so she could gain some of their coldness."

"You aren't the first to bring forward that theory."

"She had me play some of her favorite childhood games as well. I specifically remember planting false leads in my backyard and having some poor trainees from the investigative unit try to find where we had hidden their breakfast. It took all day before they even got on the right track, and I presume by then they neeeded the food we'd sent them to chase."

"Sounds exciting." Then Tycho dropped an interesting bombshell. "Do you suppose your time with her has anything to do with your blackouts?"

Kirney hesitated. "Not possible," she finally offered. "It wouldn't make sense for her to mess with those of us at the academy." Yet her voice was shaken, and something didn't sit right. She was scared, and didn't like the possibilities.

"Even for her star pupil, as you've admitted to being?"

"I said she liked me, not that I was any good."

"I saw the reports from what you did to Repness and Trigit. You would have been that good."

"_**What does a leader require in an agent in addition to intelligence? More important than intelligence?"**_

"_**Loyalty."**_

"She couldn't have done it. This is the result of training, nothing more." And with that Kirney walked off, but halted before going back to her usual spot...

It wasn't possible.

Was it?


	14. Pilot

_If you feel that it's real I'm on trial and I'm here in your prison_

_Like a coin in your mint I am dented and I'm spent with high treason_

_Through a glass eye your throne is the one danger zone_

_Take me to the pilot for control- take me to the pilot of your soul._

_-Elton John, "Take Me to the Pilot"_

Kirney leaned outside on the edge of Talon's Revenge, finally somewhat alone and thinking. It had been a very hectic few days, and she still didn't understand everything that was going on around her, but she was thankful for these few minutes to take a deep breath and really consider what was happening.

Point A: She had reunited with the Wraiths, minus Piggy (who she understood now had been left behind due to some tactical questions), and had promptly found out that they- quite understandably- were hesitant to trust her again. Still, she would settle for the slight discomfort and silence that happened. At least they weren't flat out disowning her-- usually. There were some strange moments, but it could have been a lot worse. All in all, she found the reunion quite pleasant.

Point B: Garik "Face" Loran had recognized her. And why shouldn't he? The only problem was that he had made some attempts at romancing her, and that was certainly not his choice. Kirney wasn't willing to let that happen. She wasn't in the mood for any kind of romantic entanglement at this point. She was still trying to figure out who she was, much less really getting involved in matters of the heart...

Which came to Point C: Myn Donos. On her ship. They had both been quiet about the situation so far. From Celchu, Kirney had learned that they had been sent to Corellia on a mission to help her, which made some sense she supposed. Still, the few moments when they had been together had been awkward, and silent, as if there were too many things left unsaid... and perhaps those were things that should stay unspoken. She could handle the leiutenant with quiet dignity, so long as he maintained his calm as well. It was a situation that could well blow up in her face. It seemed, however, that if she let it alone it would likely go away when he returned the the New Republic.

Point D: Kirney's meeting with Tycho Celchu had given her pause to consider some rather unsavory points that didn't match up with her past. She wondered, now, if what he had suggested was possible: could Iceheart, seeing her teacher's pet so weak after that first "mission" on Coruscant, have found a way to ensure the lapse didn't happen again? If so, could she ever be free of the conditioning? She was uncertain, but knew for a fact that what had happened to her head was uncommon. She had no memories, no real memories, from her past. There was Kirney, and then some base facts that indicated Gara Petothel existed. There were no emotions, no real knowledge, that penetrated. The data was there, of course, but there were no attachments, and for the first time in her life Kirney truly found herself wondering WHY.

The Empire was capable, she knew, of such thing. There was no doubt about that in her mind. But that still begged the question: if that was the cause of her troubles, if that was why she had no memories, why certain matters sent her into a panic where she couldn't reach her own mind, WHAT COULD SHE DO ABOUT IT?

Even if she changed her heart completely, could she shrug off that kind of tampering?

Kirney let herself slide into a comfortable seated position on the ground, going so far as to lean back. There was a space under the ship, and as she leaned back there was nothing to stop her, so she ended up lying comfortably on her back on the ground. She almost felt like screaming, but there was noplace safe to do so, so she just lay still and considered the galaxy with unfocused yet open eyes.

"This," she whispered, "must be what it feels like when you go insane."

"Actually," a familiar voice countered, "this is only the process of going insane. When you are insane, you can't really tell the difference between that and reality."

Kirney let her eyes come into focus on Myn. "Where did you learn that?" she asked.

Donos shrugged. "Some girl I danced with said something similar."

"She sounds intelligent."

"I suppose so." Myn shuffled uncomfortably, then continued. "Kolot asked if I would check on you. Wasn't sure where you'd gone."

Kirney sighed and sat up. "Can't a girl get a moment's peace?"

"Not with a ship full of company." Myn offered a hand that was accepted gently, and let her pull until she was standing. "Besides, it seems you have a message. Tonin couldn't get a hold of your link..."

Kirney's face flushed bright red. "I turned it off."

"I thought as much. Both Tonin and Kolot protested it wasn't the sort of thing you would do."

"I had to take a moment to myself." Kirney dug her hands into pockets, not finding the comm-link, and flushed again. "Excuse me," she suggested, turning her back and setting a hand down into her top. It came back with the small comm-link in her hand, and she energized it. "This is Kirney. Sorry about the delay... hold on, Ton, I'm listening. Slow down. Sorry- ok, speed up a little. Louder. Repeat that... OH! Fire up, and have Kolot prep. I'll be there in a few."

Kirney ran towards the ramp, trying not to let her relief show too strongly. She had been dreading speaking with Donos at any length, and was glad to have a good excuse to get back to real work anyway. Her steps rushed up, and she yelled at Face to get a handle on where his team was... not that they would be far, now that they had gone into the middle of nowhere, Corellia. Still, it was good to know. Tycho was already heading down from the top, and Myn had followed her steps inside.

"Ko, Ton, tell me that we can be ready in ten minutes."

"Ten. Yub yub."

"Why the rush?" Kell asked, coming up from the cargo hold to check out the excitement.

"Ton received intel that means I better space it quickly," Kirney explained. "Seems someone isn't happy that the recruiting didn't go smoothly- thus new orders that I should scramble my data and hightail it to the base as your transport. Information that could have saved a lot of trouble a few days ago." Kirney looked towards Tycho, and added, "You'll probably find some revised orders of your own coming through momentarily."

As if in answer, there was a beep.

"Time to get out of Coronet," Myn observed, "but where are we supposed to go?"

Kirney went to the navigation system, and pulled up a basic map as the engines below hummed into life. Thinking, she checked the listing and finally suggested: "Balmorra?"

Tycho looked at his readout and confirmed. "Balmorra. We're expected."

--- --- --- --- --- ---- ----- ---- ------ ------ ------- --

Cracken moved his hands over his desk, hoping that he was up to date on all files gathered. That was when he found the last two datacards…

"I sure hope," he muttered, "that a ship full of pilots will know how to get through that safely."

----- ----- ------ ------- -----

Getting off of Corellia had always been the easy part. Reporting her "cargo" was a walk in the park, and the Revenge was allowed a quick departure. Kirney and Kolot guided their way into hyperspace, everyone else out of the way. Kirney set the vector and off they went, ready for the quick jump and smooth ride.

------- ------- -------- -------- ------------ -----

Myn found that he was getting lost in thought a lot more than he would have thought possible. He had originally thought it was due to seeing Kirney again, but the more he thought about it the less that seemed the case. It wasn't Kirney, but instead the things that Kirney seemed to represent.

And there was no question of identity. That, in a way, was part of his confusion. This wasn't Gara, who had lied, or Lara, who he had pursued. This was somebody different, yet who had as much a past as either of those. Somehow, she was something more- more troubled, more secretive, yet more alluring as well.

Maybe Lara really was gone, completely, destroyed as much as Gara.

Maybe…

Maybe…

Maybe a lot of things. Yet none of them were quite the truth, quite hit the right part.

--- -------- -----

"Wedge? Wedge Antilles?"

Wedge Antilles turned abruptly to see the new entrant, and found his smile widen. "Iella. Good to see you."

"I thought," Iella questioned, "that Rogue Squadron was on leave for a few weeks before rejoining the battle against Thrawn."

"Most of them," he explained, continuing to outline the gist of his activities for the past week. Iella listened, interested, leaning in just slightly too close as he told the tale. When he finished, she straightened and blinked.

"Corran's here too?"

"That's right."

Iella gave Wedge a quick hug, rushing off to find her long time friend and former partner. Wedge considered that, then leaned back to enjoy himself. That relaxation did not last long as he was paged a moment later. He sighed, seeing behind the lines.

Must mean Tycho and Myn were coming in hot.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Kirney was just pulling out of hyperspace when she, herself, realized they were going to be coming in hot. Or, rather, possibly on fire.

They had come out of hyperspace a few minutes earlier than planned due to the comm. beacon. Immediately upon pulling out she realized the mistake, and took the controls in a death grip due to surprise…

"Debris field," she muttered. "You'd think they could think of something more original than a sithing debris field."

A few pieces hit the shuttle, the ship shuddering and sideslipping at the impact. Kirney got it under control quickly, and the bump itself could hardly be felt as she took over manually. "Ko," she suggested, "cool the engines. I want us slow and steady if I'm navigating this thing."

Kolot chattered a moment, and Kirney sighed.

"Ko, I know what I'm talking about. Cool it."

When Kolot made no move to do as suggested, Kirney leaned back. "Kolot, speed means nothing right here. Cool it NOW."

Kolot chattered again, and Kirney groaned in frustration. He was, she was certain, nervous and making poor judgment for the time being. Again, the shuttle shuddered and she did her best to raise again. It was annoying thumping around, and yet they seemed to be directly in the middle of it. There was some space to navigate around, but it wasn't enough to actually avoid the debris.

Slowly, surely, a few footsteps padded along the deck from the cargo bay. "Is there something wrong?" Face asked, moving carefully as the shuttle shook.

"We came out into the middle of a debris field," Kirney explained. "Kolot is scared and won't pull energy from the engines, so we're still going hot and heavy into it."

Face took Kolot's spot by force, moving the modifications out of his way as easily as possible, and killed the engine. Kirney struggled to keep on the smoothest path and quickly asked, "Can I get a little more thrust here?"

When Face kicked the power back on, it was slightly too light. "A little bit more," Kirney requested. "Tail's dragging."

The response was a rev that kicked the Revenge directly into a metallic piece about half their size, but luckily with no weight. "Perhaps slightly less than that?"

"There's nothing in the middle."

Kirney sighed. "There has to be," she assured.

"There isn't."

At that point, Myn had worked his way up to see what was happening. Kirney had her eyes focused on the debris field, and was manuevering well, but she was right- there had to be a middle speed that would keep the tail from lagging, but still make them slow enough to keep the shuttle from hitting everything in its path.

"Can I get someone on that control," Kirney asked, "who won't contradict my every request?"

Myn siddled along Face, and the switch was made. He'd worked with these shuttles in the past, and somehow it all came back to him. Sure as if it had been an x-wing, he manipulated the control panel. Face backed down, finding something to hang on to nearby.

"Powering down one percent," Myn informed.

"Can we make that half a percent?"

Myn did as he was asked, adding, "If you can handle it."

They sidestepped a broken-down ship and a few spare parts that seemed to have been lain in its way. "And higher," Kirney requested.

"Up a tenth."

And deftly sailing between two large rocks.

"Softer."

And to the starboard side, they barely missed a fireless detonation, hitting a pulse beacon on the way out.

"And that," Kirney announced, "is what brought us out early." The item bounced off the viewport harmlessly and spun into another small detonation.

"It's not the only one."

"Perhaps, but I'm not searching for all of them. A little more burn, but just to the port please."

And so on, for the next ten minutes. Ten minutes later is when Kirney caught sight of what she could swear should have been wreckage from the Death Star. "You've got to be kidding," she muttered, quickly pulling up in a ninety degree angle and wincing as the belly of her shuttle scraped along the side. "X-wings," she announced, "are much more manueverable than this thing."

"You seem to be doing rather well," Myn countered, taking a moment to admire the scenery. "Could probably chat a little too, while we're out here, and still keep going."

"Care to try that?" Kirney asked, feeling the compensator catch up with her move and pulling up gently so that they no longer scraped along the side of the... debris.

"Not particularly," Myn admitted. "Returning normal power, by the way. Balmorra straight ahead."

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Kirney let Kolot guide the Revenge to rest on base at Balmorra as a show of confidence. She also suggested, though lightly, that he take some additional lessons when they had a chance so that they didn't end up in that situation again. It had been a lucky thing that Myn had grown up around the sort of shuttle they were flying, or there could have been some unfortunate bumps along the way.

The sky above Balmorra seemed charged with electricity. It was not particularly dangerous for someone who knew what they were doing, but it added some additional fun to the descent.

Balmorra had not been Rebel territory under the alliance, and in fact had only recently been taken into the Republic. The holds on Balmorra were tenuous at best, but they had renovated a part of the old factories where battle droids were once built by the thousands into a makeshift base. Kirney was taken aback by how Imperial the world looked, and could hardly suppress a shudder at how dark it was on the surface.

Kirney and Kolot were the last off Talon's Revenge, and then only because she was told to report to the most senior NRI operative on planet. The operative turned out to be Iella, and they had rather a nice chat as Kirney outlined the interests she had been reporting on while in Coronet.

"Too much has happened too quickly," Kirney mourned as she stepped out of the meeting, Iella behind her. "I hardly know what to do."

"The suggestion I'm going to file is that you leave Coronet for a while and go on... a business trip."

Business trip? "Where would you suggest I go?"

"Set up shop on the Errant Venture for a while. It's a workable cover for a Corellian."

Kirney considered that. "It could work," she admitted. "Think the General will accept it?"

"Probably."

Kirney shrugged. "Then I guess we'll need to find out where the Venture is these days."

"Later. First, there's going to be a little bit of excitement tonight."

Kirney frowned at that. "Excitement?"

"Balmorra hasn't had reason to celebrate since the first set of factories was designed," Iella explained. "With the crew all in, I believe that there are orders for some sort of celebration."

Kirney considered the options. That meant she was going to have to hide, but she had planned on that. At the very least festivities meant she could disappear wherever she liked...

Across the base, after reporting to Wedge Antilles, Myn was having exactly the opposite thought- wondering how he was going to force Kirney into place if she took to hiding.


	15. Sorry

A/N. By the way, I'm still begging for feedback.

This chapter needed more lyrics than the other. The song is probably the one most likely to be Myn and Kirney's theme song, and I realized they weren't the only ones. So I chose to play a little more… blame the cat, not me.

Lyrics are from Daughtry's "Sorry."

------ - ---- ---- -

_Will you listen to my story? It'll just be a minute._

_How can I explain..?_

As the evening drew close, and the base on Balmorra prepared for the festivities, one last unexpected visitor ended up in the system. This visitor was Mirax Terrik, coming to pick up his next shipment. Balmorra was, after all, still an industrial planet- and the New Republic was glad to let Mirax aide in the shipping process.

Of course, the best part of that was Corran getting to surprise his wife for once.

It was several moments before Mirax registered his presence, leaning against the entrance to her particular port. When she did, her movements were swift. She signed a document, nodded to the attendant, and took off at a run. Corran caught her as she leapt into his arms, catching her in a kiss.

"What are you doing here?" Mirax asked, a laugh in her eyes.

"Just a little babysitting," Corran answered. "Yourself?"

"Gaining some moderately productive cargo before I go pick up more refugees." Mirax relaxed into Corran's arms a little, a seductive smile taking over her features. "How long are you here?"

"Just another day, so let's make it count."

----- ----- ----- ----- -----

_Whatever happened here, I never meant to hurt you._

_How can I cause you so much pain?_

A crowd gathered in the common areas of the base, and the scent of cinnabar took over the air. The base commander had set no limits, except that the whole mess should be cleaned up before dawn. Which meant everyone not on duty was gathered in the main areas…

Except for the pilot of a single shuttle, who set herself to the side and waited for an open reason to sneak back to her shuttle.

Kirney dug through her belongings and found a simple holobook that she had purchased a while back and never quite finished. There were few comfortable positions to read in, so she picked the one most likely to clear her mind: upside down, hanging on the edge of her knees on the edge of her bed. All her blood rushed to her head, and cause a strangely calming sensation. Comfortable, she hit the pad and began scanning the pages, hoping to forget about another celebration, another night after a job well done…

"_**What do you want from me?"**_

"_**I want to get to know you better…I want to know who you really are."**_

"_**Oh, no, you don't."**_

"_**Try me."**_

Kirney ignored the part of her that wanted to take the chance, calming it. Subduing it in the words of the drabble set before her. Because those were memories of something that couldn't have really been. The thoughts made her wonder, made her debate, and she wanted to drown them in the story before her eyes.

"_**Even if it's not with me, I'd like to see you give yourself a chance."**_

Kirney ignored the tears threatening to burn their way from behind her eyes. She had no right to feel betrayed, and yet somehow she couldn't help it. He had promised, had asked her to take a chance, and then found he could not hold up his part of the bargain.

It shouldn't hurt, but it did.

Something inside her said she should forget about Myn…

Another part knew that she never could.

_When I say I'm sorry, will you believe me?_

_Listen to my story and say you won't leave me._

Dia led Face into the party, calm and quiet. They moved between the revelers, taking in the smells and sights and sounds, and came together in the center of it all.

"It's a good night," Dia whispered.

Face halted, then replied with a nod- but a slow, hesitant nod.

"Isn't it a good night?" Dia asked.

"I suppose."

Dia hugged Face to her, but it wasn't a claiming hug. It was sloppy, and uncertain.

"Dia?" he finally managed. "Dia, I want to ask you a question. Don't be afraid to tell me the truth."

Dia held her breath, knowing what was coming and how she had to answer.

"Go ahead and ask."

"Why didn't you want me to sleep with Kirney?"

And that was the question. Dia herself hadn't been sure she knew the answer, but now she could tell that there was something in her that had a good idea.

"Because," she explained, "it isn't your place to do so. Not like it was… with me."

_When I say I'm sorry, can you forgive me?_

_When I say I'll always be there will you believe?_

_Will you believe in me?_

The festivities were quite popular. Probably there hadn't had a celebration in years- probably not since the fall of Palpatine, Myn thought, based on the excitement of those attending. It was bright, and cheerful, and even those on duty seemed rather cheerful when he passed them by on his way out of doors.

Not that the aura of the party didn't entice Myn. Quite the opposite, he dearly wished to join in the fun. However, he surely did not want to do so alone.

Which is what brought him out onto the shuttle concourse. It didn't take more than a minute to locate the _Revenge_, and hardly another to find his way up its ramp. Once inside he paused just to listen for a moment, trying to find his way towards the person he wanted to see. The quiet was unreal, and for a second he wondered if Kirney and her crew hadn't wandered into the festivities after all.

Then he saw a light on behind the closed door of Kirney's personal space. Myn walked towards it, wondering only for a brief second how smart it was to enter. Pausing, he knocked on the door.

"Intrude if you must."

Myn took that for an invitation, opening the door slowly...

Kirney was upside down, draped over the foot of her bed, a datapad forgotten as it lay on the floor after she had dropped it to investigate her guest. Seeing it was Myn, she reached her hands into the air and sat up straight.

"It's you," she stated quite calmly.

"Expecting somebody else?"

"I wasn't expecting you, either."

Myn came nearer, offering a hand. Kirney looked at his hand dumbly for a moment, then accepted it. He drew her to a standing position, and for the first time since meeting her again truly looked her over. She had a brightness about her that was different even from Lara, and as he looked at her she seemed to be considering him in much the same way.

"You look good," Myn finally assessed.

"So do you," Kirney admitted.

Myn smiled, then reached out to brush some hair from her shoulder. "Color's a little off," he admitted. "I just realized it now."

"I was in a hurry when I first did it. Didn't want to change it too much after that."

"I suppose that makes sense." Myn gave a sigh, then moved to sit down on the bed. Kirney followed suit, seating herself next to him...

This felt like it might be a long conversation.

"I don't blame you if you hate me," Kirney began. There- that was the beginning, out in the air. "Most of the time, I hate the person I was anyway."

Myn blinked. He'd planned on bringing it out slowly, like it was a poison, but here Kirney got right to the point as he started. The side effect was he had to make an admission his mind was cautious to say aloud- and he had to say it at the very start, before he knew how she really felt about him. It was a heavy load, doing its best to settle on his shoulders. He was about to hit Kirney with an interesting conundrum, and could only hope that she was trustworthy and sensible enough to keep it to herself if she chose to brush him off.

"Does anyone know who you really are? Even yourself?" 

"Least of all me."

"I don't hate you," Myn offered. And just like that, the load was lifted and he didn't have to mess with it anymore. "I don't see any of the person I thought I hated when I look at you...when I see your eyes. So I have to decide that she doesn't exist anymore- if she ever did."

Kirney held her breath a second, then let it out as she lay down. "Okay."

Myn followed her lead, though he leaned on his side instead of his back, facing her. "Okay."

The next moment was nothing but silence, though some sounds of the party outside flitted through the hallways and into the shuttle. Kirney considered the ceiling, and Myn considered Kirney. Considering that, it was strange that Kirney actually had the next thing to say...

"There's a chip in the paint," she observed, turning to see Myn's confusion. "Right there? It's chipped. I'll have to fix that."

Myn turned, looking in the same spot. "So there is," he conceded. "Just a little one."

"Enough for something to get through, though. If it stays there long enough. Ruin the whole ceiling."

"Or create a new pattern to look at."

Kirney seemed to consider this. "Something new. I like that. Maybe I'll leave it."

Considering the conversation, it wasn't surprising that Myn next reached out and found Kirney's hand. Then he sat up, his motion making Kirney follow by instinct, intrigued.

"Walk with me?" Myn suggested.

_All the words I keep coming up with are like gasoline on flames._

Face was taken aback for a second, then he pulled Dia out onto the dancefloor. "I don't want anyone to be able to follow our conversation, to hear this," he whispered in her ear as they began to turn. She leaned in, hands slipping to his shoulders.

"It isn't your place," she repeated.

"And you think that is why I would do it? Why I did… why I went… why we're…" His voice failed, and they turned a while before the conversation could come back again.

"I'm not saying there isn't anything here," Dia continued. "I'm saying that it isn't where we need to be." She stalled a second, the asked, "Are we together for the convenience?"

There was a twirl. "I don't think so," Face admitted, "but I'm not sure where we are now. If 'together' is a good term. I care about you, and I always will… but there was a moment- well, more than a moment- when I wasn't sure you were foremost on my mind."

"Should we stop… stop seeing each other, Face?"

The very thought was frightening. "Is that what you want, Dia?"

Dia thought about that for a moment, taking Face's hand in hers. "I've put a lot of thought into this. Don't tell me it hasn't crossed your mind. I'm sure it did." The sigh that escaped her lips was calm, and echoed in Face's heart. When she looked up into his eyes, there was comfort and understanding there. "You put yourself in a place to be taken advantage of so often it hurts," she began, choosing her words carefully, "but you're strong enough that you rise above it. That's what I learned from you. What I gained."

She hesitated there, and Face almost stopped her, but found himself willing her to continue. He expressed this with a wave of her hand, and her words went on in their dance.

"I want you to think about this," Dia explained. "Don't do this because I think it's the right thing. Do this for you."

There's no excuse, no explanation: believe me if I could undo what I have done 

_I'd give away all that I own!_

Wedge had a passing view of the festivities, smiled, and began to leave. That was when a pair of hands found his back and pushed him in the direction of a good stiff drink.

"That's mutiny," Wedge informed Tycho. "I could have you written up for that."

"What more do you think could be done?" his friend answered, a touch of humor even in the seriousness of his retort. "You are going to enjoy yourself, Antilles, if I have to force you."

Wedge slid into a seat, taking a sigh as Tycho ordered him a drink. He had just settled into this situation when a slender female form moved over. "I think," she said with a surprisingly light voice, "that I might take over here, Captain Celchu."

Wedge looked up as his long-time friend backed away and the intruder took his place. He smiled and found the drink as it hit his hand. "Iella."

She ordered herself a drink and sat beside him. "So."

"So."

It had been like this between them ever since Iella had announced the presence of her husband. Even now, after he was dead, there was a strange wall between them that seemed insurmountable. Yet as they sat there, even in the quiet, it seemed that a small part of it was chiseled away.

"Would you care to dance?" Wedge had found his voice, shortly after the drinks were finished. Without verbal response, Iella offered her hand and they swept away together on the dance floor.

_If I told you I've been cleanin' my soul, and if I promise you I'll regain control-_

_Will you open your door and let me in?_

_Take me for who I am and not for who I've been?_

"_**I was wondering if you'd thought about what I asked you to… about us, really."**_

Myn noticed his partner's distraction. It wasn't going to get her out of tagging along into the party, but it was there and at the forefront. His arms were firmly locked around her waist, pushing her into the room. It was much like forcing Wedge to laugh at one of Wes' more unusual pranks, yet surprisingly more difficult. Still, within minutes he had her in his arms on a makeshift dance floor where some couples had already gathered.

"You set me up," Kirney mused, mouth downturned in a frown.

"Did I really?"

Kirney kept distance between them as the music continued, her feet taking over the dancing so she didn't have to think. The music was slow, and Myn kept his hands in the proper place. It left them free to just talk.

"I think you did," Kirney asserted.

"You could be right." Myn stepped forward, forcing the distance between them to close, and Kirny found herself unable to do anything about it. "So, tell me, where did you learn to dance?"

It was a page from another chapter, from a whole different tale. "I don't remember," she answered honestly. "I was trained to retain the knowledge and get rid of the memory."

That caused a pause in steps, and Kirney nearly tripped over Myn's still foot. "Sorry," he whispered, not sure if it was for stalling or for bringing out the sentence she had just made. As intended, she seemed to acknowledge it for both and simply continued, recreating the space.

"_**I'm pretty sure I'm going to break your heart."**_

"_**Can I break yours too?"**_

"_**Maybe you already have."**_

"Some habits are harder to break than others," Kirney admitted.

Myn considered that for a moment, and the music ended. The two stood in place, still, looking intently at each others shoes. "You know, you never lied to me," Myn suddenly told her.

Kirney looked up from the interesting black boot and met his expression with some interest. "Didn't I?"

"I've thought a lot about this. Not in a single instance were you ever anything but truthful to me. You warned me at least a dozen times not to get involved, that you had something to hide- but never actually took the step to creating a falsehood."

Kirney leaned forward, stunned; her head fell instinctively to his chest, though she didn't understand the reason. He gripped her hands, and rubbed them soothingly. Then he continued.

"What were you thinking about? When you first saw me, in the hallway? Just before Aldivy?"

Kirney paused, trying to reach back, and her reply was actually stunned. "I had just realized that the Empire had done something to my head, and that I wanted it out. I was desperate. And then, I wondered- wondered if there was any way to get around it." Her head didn't move from its spot, but she chanced to look up- and see an expression that was unreadable. "That's when I saw you," she concluded.

"That would explain it."

"Explain what?"

"Why you looked like you'd seen an answer to a question."

Kirney would have blushed if such a thing were in her power. Instead, she simply glanced away. "I have little enough memory of my past. I couldn't even tell you who Gara Petothel was. I've wanted to do is make new memories, happy memories if possible, but mostly I just want to feel."

Myn lifted a finger to pick up her chin, surprised to see that her eyes were dry. Then, carefully, he asked, "And what is it that you feel right now?"

Kirney shrugged. "I haven't discovered the words for everything yet."

"You want to create memories that they can't take away from you," Myn whispered. "All I've been trying to do is run away from that same past. But with you here, I don't have to run anymore."

The music was starting again, so Myn led his partner to the side. They stood just off the floor, still in sight. "There's something I've been wanting to do since I saw you the other day," he admitted, "only I want you to promise not to resist me."

Kirney let her breath catch, not daring to consider the possibilities. "I trust you to do what's right," she explained. "I promise."

"You won't hurt me?"

Kirney chuckled. Eyes lowered, and inexplicitly her hand came rolling up in a flourish. "No more than I already have."

So Myn finally got to do what had been in his mind since pulling her out of the water, what (if he remembered Face's explanation of how he'd known Lara was Gara) she had just asked him to do. He wrapped his arms around her, pulled her in, and planted a kiss directly on her lips.

Kirney didn't resist at all. In fact, she soon deepened the kiss. It wasn't full of passion, nor was it a simple short thing. It was sweet, and it was long, and it held all the fears both of them had. All thoughts dissipated except that there was indeed a future muddled in with all of the uncertainty they had brought each other.

"You didn't hit me," Myn observed.

"I was too shocked, I think."

"No more living in the past?" Myn asked.

"No more running away from it?" Kirney countered.

"No more passing of information to cause my demise?"

"No more shooting me down?"

"No more ewoks?"

"No more random boots strewn throughout the shuttle?"

Myn chuckled. "I'm ready to give this a try. And hopefully do better than last time."

"Better than last time. I think I could handle that."

Myn reached up, a hand settling on her cheek. It was warm, and comfortable. She reciprocated the action, and stepped the last few inches of distance between them. Soon they were kissing again, this time with a whole lot more fire.

"So," Myn said as they finished, "are you ready to give me a chance? Give yourself a chance?"

Kirney looked up into the air for a second, and came down with a wicked smile on her face. "Let's just say I'm willing to stop making mistakes. If you are."

_When I say I'm sorry, will you believe me?_

_Listen to my story: say you won't leave me._

_When I say I'm sorry can your forgive me?_

_When I say I will always be there, will you believe me?_

_-Daughtry, "Sorry"_


	16. You're Right

I will move away from here, you won't be afraid of fear  
No thought was put into this- always knew it would come to this  
Things have never been so swell  
I have never felt this well  
I'm so warm and calm inside: I no longer have to hide.

-Nirvana, "You Know You're Right" 

Kirney came awake with a shock, unable to escape the sensation that she was not alone. She felt somebody next to her, warm and comfortable, and it was decidedly not the ewok. Whoever it was had lain down behind her, so she twisted a little bit so that when her eyes opened she would be looking directly at the person who had joined her. Then she let herself be fully awake, let her eyes flutter open, and found a smile come across her lips. "Oh yes," she whispered to herself, "I remember." 

Myn Donos was still asleep, turned towards her and apparently quite content. Kirney remembered spending three hours at the base festivities, laughing and dancing, before admitting that it had grown overly late for her personal clock. Myn had demanded he walk her back to the shuttle, as it was the gentlemanly thing to do, but once he was there it was difficult to let him leave. So Kirney had asked if he wanted to come in, and they had stayed up for several more hours just talking and discussing everything: from the state of the galaxy to their personal fears. Eventually, it had been simple exhaustion that led them to lay down and sleep. It was, she remembered, a rather comfortable way to fall asleep.

Turns out it was also a wonderful way to wake up.

Kirney began to sneak out of bed, but found herself suddenly caught up in a pair of strong arms. "It's too early," Myn mumbled half asleep. "Close your eyes again."

Kirney sighed and leaned into his embrace. "I have to speak with Mirax Horn before she leaves," Kirney reminded, though her argument felt weak even to her. "She'll have data I can use."

"And you think she and Corran are going to be getting up early?" Myn pointed out, dozing back off to sleep.

Kirney snuggled in once again, unable to compete with his argument. She was still tired, and Myn had a rather persuasive point.

----- ----- ------------- ---------- ------

Wedge and Iella were still in the common area. After the evening of partying had ended, they had stayed in place and talked long enough for the cleaning crew to draft them into helping. So it was that, tired, they were still amongst the last remnants of the festivities. All that remained were a few odd configurations of chairs as the daylight snuck in. Both of them were laughing, in spite of the early hour, and chatting. However, there were certain subjects that neither seemed quite willing to face, items not one of them truly put in conversation though they tiptoed around them.

It was Iella who first skirted the issue at hand. "I think it was sweet," she suggested as she sat in the last chair she had been moving. "What the smuggler told Myn."

"What was that?" Wedge asked, too tired to really remember.

"Just as they were dancing," Iella reminded, "when they were choosing to make a new start, she said 'I'm willing to stop making mistakes if you are.' I can't think of a better way to start over- or a better way to tell someone that you truly care."

"Hmm." That was Wedge's only answer as he settled into a spot on the floor, lack of sleep causing him to forego finding a spot on a chair. Then he added, "I'm glad they came back together. Those two both deserve some measure of happiness."

"And why is that?" Iella asked, observing his reaction.

After a moment, the answer came. "The Empire destroyed a lot of lives, caused a lot of people to pull apart. I guess it's nice to see a couple rise above all that- to create a relationship in the wake of what was torn apart. To see this war actually create something out of the ashes." With that, he leaned on the floor.

Iella had an odd look in her eye as she continued her questioning, this time lighter. "When is it your turn?"

For a moment there was no answer. When she considered Wedge Antilles again, she discovered the reason was that he had actually fallen asleep. She thought about that, then giggled, and let ehrself slide to the floor beside him as she considered her options. Luckily, at that moment Mirax walked in and took the situation in quickly with a giggle of her own.

"That," Mirax proclaimed, "is not something you see everyday. He fell asleep on the floor?"

Iella nodded. "What do you suggest we do?"

"That depends on how much we want to embarass him."

Iella suppressed a loud bit of laughter and got to her feet. "I believe," she announced, "that I will be going in that case. Do what you like."

Mirax frowned at that, but did nothing to stop Iella from leaving for the comfort of her own bed. Then Mirax walked up the the man she considered close as any brother and lightly poked at him. "Come on," she offered. "This is certainly not the best place for a nap."

---------- ------------ ------------ -------------- -------

Face found the morning surprisingly freeing. He woke up alone, took in a deep breath, and let himself stretch out fully. It was strange to feel so liberated after a painfully emotional night, but it seemed to suit him well enough.

After a while considering Dia's words, and enjoying the festivities, he had taken her hand and dragged her out to the quieter halls wehre they could finish the talk she had so adamantly begun. And, in the end, he admitted that while he had feelings for Dia those were classified as thankfullness and friendship now. They had hugged, and cried a little bit, but in the end the two had chosen to split up. It was unmistakeably for the best.

So now he was alone. And, for an unknown reason, it felt good.

----- ----- ------------ --------

"Kell?"

The voice was so quiet, so concerned, that Kell stuck his head from the fresher to look directly at Tyria. "Yes?" he asked, pulling his shirt on as he walked back into the room they had shared for the night. She seemed frightened, uncertain, as if she was uncertain what was going to happen next.

"You love me, right?"

Kell moved to sit next to her on her bed, setting an arm around her neck. Tyria never asked these sorts of questions, and yet for some reason the tremor in her voice scared him as he wondered what the conversation was truly about. "I love you, yes," he assured, as much reassurance as possible filtering into his voice. Still, beside him she was shaking, as if considering something that was going to bite her in the rear as she backed away.

"What would you say," she asked carefully, "if I said I was going to leave the Wraiths?"

Kell considered these words for a moment, then found his response. "I would ask what you were going to do instead."

Tyria took enough time in answering that Kell knew she had truly thought about this eventuality. Her breath came slowly, though he could tell she was guiding that to be true by sheer will. Somehow, he understood that her heart was pounding as she outlined her thoughts. "Probably ask Master Skywalker if he was willing to train me again," she admitted. "If the answer is still no, I suppose there is a certain amount of study I could do on my own. It feels like the right thing to do- like with the Wraiths isn't where I'm supposed to be anymore. I think the Force is guiding me into a different path."

Kell squeezed Tyria to him, making his response slow but certain. "Who am I to go against the Force?" he finally managed, wheels turning in his head. "On the other hand, I would feel more comfortable if I had some... assurance. That you won't run off and find someone more handsome and brutishly appealing than myself."

"More brutish than you? That would be difficult."

A laugh escaped Kell's mouth and he pulled away from Tyria slightly. "Perhaps so, but I think there's something to my thought process here, if you follow me. You're not leaving me behind completely- so I guess I'm going to have to say something that's been gnawing at me for a couple of months here." With that, Kell slid off the bed to one knee, in front of Tyria- a smile on his face. "I suppose that I'm going to have to ask you to marry me, if you're willing."

Tyria's face brightened, and she found that the smile truly suited her emotions. "I should have expected you to do something rash like that," she murmured, taking one of his hands in hers. "You know, I truly only gained control of the Force because you were there along with me the entire way. I wouldn't be making this choice without you beside me. No matter how much training I undergo, no matter how hard it may seem to catch a glimpse of your face, I will always love you. So I suppose, all that considered, that I'm going to have to accept your proposal and just marry you."

----- --------- ------ --------

When Myn finally decided that it was time to wake up, he was completely alone. It took several seconds for this to register, and as it did he considered his surroundings. With a stretch, he walked toward the door and exited. Outside, there was a gentle hum of controls constantly ready to go, and a simple warmth of tone. Kolot was there, turning and showing a toothy grin as Myn went towards the fresher. There was no malice, but instead some obvious amusement.

On the mirror in the fresher, Kirney had left a flimsy with a note. Myn read it several times as he washed up. --Went to meet with Mirax. Please don't run off if you can help it.--

Myn picked up the note as he exited, and began to put together a plan to see if he couldn't make sure he could "help it" for longer than even Kirney could possibly imagine.

----- ----- --- ----- ------- -------- ---

Kirney sipped on her caff as she leaned back in her chair, a smug grin on her lips. The caff was good here, though not nearly as sweet as she might like it- and she certainly preferred stim-tea if possible. Still, the caff was beyond passable and it had a better smell, which for this morning was the operative thought in her mind. Caff smelled of wakefullness, and energy, where tea simply smelled like dead plants. It was a subtle difference, but the woman who Kirney had always been beneath all the hiding appreciated it. Across the table, she could see that Mirax appreciated the difference as well, but it was obvious that the other woman actually did enjoy the taste of the caff- a thought that boggled Kirney's mind to no end.

The smug grin was because she had managed to catch a Terrik off guard.

"So you are presuming that you will be asked to catch up with the Errant Venture and are making arrangements beforehand to find it's location. I should think that was overly presumptuous of someone in your position." This was the cover, though, which came after Mirax had buried her face in the mug of caff to hide an expression of surprise when Kirney announced she was looking for the Venture. 

"I would have started looking for your father soon of my own accord, regardless of my orders. If this happens to allign with Intel's plans for me at the same time, so much the better. If not... well, I do have certain ways of repaying Booster's hospitality."

"He likes credits," Mirax assured.

"I have my own ways," Kirney asserted. "I have been the premiere data slicer for an ex-Imperial warlord. Your father offered me a job before- even if he did try to disguise the fact. I see no reason I shouldn't be able to broker an offer now."

Mirax set her mug down and looked at Kirney again. "Data slicing, you said? I could probably use you on the Skate, at that. It would mean more time closer to the Rogues." Her eyes lit, and Mirax gave a subtle wink. Kirney was taken aback for a moment, then realized that most of the base had probably seen her with Myn the night before and their relationship would hardly be a secret. 

"I'm not sure where I'm welcome to go," Kirney explained. "Better stick where I can easily hide."

Mirax nodded, then gestured forward. Kirney looked at the hand that now lay open before her and sighed, fumbling in a pocket for a clean datachip. This she handed to Mirax, who set it in her datapad and deftly transferred information to it. "There it is then," Mirax assured, handing the chip over. "If you use it in any way harmful..."

"I'll have a whole new bunch gunning for me, and I don't need that," Kirney finished. "I wouldn't sell anyone out. Least of all Booster Terrik."

Mirax gave an answering nod, and the two women went back to their respectives cups of caff and shared a much more pleasant conversation as they continued along the day. In the end, they had developed a grudging respect for each other though they were keenly aware that, when it came to normal business, they were now and would probably continue to remain competitors for the same small section of the galaxy.

----- ----- ----- ----- -----

"Be reasonable, Antilles. I'm not sending somebody with Slane's skill set and vulnerability alone anywhere, not even to someone who's an ally- argueably." Cracken sounded breathlessly annoyed as he explained his view to Wedge Antilles, the arguement in his tone coming through well over the direct hololink. "She'd be prime bait for anyone Thrawn wanted to send after her."

"It isn't as though she'd be in the middle of nowhere, with no protection. I'm certain Booster would take her on like she was one of her own," Wedge assured with a hint of humor carefully hidden.

"And that would be another concern."

Wedge was careful to make sure that his next bit of information didn't sound too much like his own idea. "I don't suppose you'd want to send someone currently on Balmorra. That would be too obvious."

"Actually," Cracken mused, "I was going to have one of the Wraiths go with her. Sarkin, possibly. Did you have a better idea?"

Wedge nodded slowly. "I could spare a man, if it would be more convenient for you."

Cracken raised an eyebrow. "That's an awful generous offer. Can you afford to lose a man for an undetermined set of time?"

Wedge shook his head. "Not indefinitely. Two weeks, General, and then if you still want you can have whoever you like take over." And I'll be saving myself a load of worry about having Donos look around like he's lost- not to mention that he might well yell at you if he finds out someone else was tailing his girlfriend. We both win, General. 

"You won't reveal the entire situation to this pilot."

Wedge was barely able to supress a grin at that. No need, as I'm certain Notsil- err, Slane will take care of that for me. "That is a reasonable request to me. As the pilot in question is due two weeks of leave, I will not have to hide his whereabouts to the others. I will state that he is taken a much needed vacation." 

"Inform your man of his new perimeters, then. Then come back to the fleet with the rest of your team."

----- ------- -------------- --------------- ----- ------- ----------- --

Kirney walked into Talon's Revenge with a definite calm about her. She found her way into the pilot's seat and settled back, only vaguely aware that she was anything but on her own. Kolot was in his usual place next to her, and in the background she could hear Tonin carrying on a seemingly wild conversation with Myn. It was a perfect position to be in for the moment. 

"It's almost time for an evening meal," Myn mentioned. "Want to tell me about your day?"

"I'll be leaving sometime tonight," Kirney told him.

"That soon." There was no hint of actual surprise, and it didn't seem like an actual question. More of a statement, though Kirney didn't catch on directly.

"I wish we had more time together," Kirney sighed, "but I suppose we'll have to make due with what we find."

Myn had a smile on his face as Kirney turned around. "Wish granted," he announed. "I've been ordered to accompany you to the Errant Venture at the earliest possible moment, and stay in direct contact with you for the next two weeks. I've been told to ensure that Tonin is prepared to deal with direct links so that you can get messages personally at any time. You aren't supposed to get too far from him, either." The last was added as an aside, and should have come with a shrug. Instead, it was practically cut off by Kirney launching herself into Myn's arms. 

"Well," Kirney stated as the elation left her, "I probably shouldn't have done that. Completely out of character."

Myn set a hand on her shoulder. "I suppose that's what romance does. I know I haven't been as closed up as usual. Now, how about having Ton calculate our route to Errant Venture so we can get a little more time alone?" 

The chip was flipped aptly from Kirney's hand to the droid, and she hardly noticed him catch it. She was melting into a pair of arms that moved around her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck in triumph. It was something she hadn't believed she could ever do, not after the mess that was made after Zsinj, but in that moment the reality hit her. This sudden knowledge filled her, leading her to pull Myn in and capture him. This, she knew, was real- and she had two more weeks to get used to it completely before she would again wonder if it had ever happened at all.

-------------------- ----------------------- -----------------

Maybe nothing would ever be perfect. Maybe Kirney would never figure out how best to push away the nightmares. All Myn knew was that she was getting better- infinitely better- as the days went on. One day they paused to look back and realized she hadn't had an episode for almost a year and a half. This was after Myn had been kidnapped, presumed dead, and come back to a tearful Kirney pushing herself at him. The very night he saw her again, and assured her that Iceheart was truly gone this time, he proposed. That was when Cracken cleared her, and truly let Slane be her own person- be free. That was how Donoslane Excursions began, and Myn chose to leave the New Republic to return to Corellia...

With some help from falsified documents, of course. That came from Kirney's primary employer, Booster Terrik, who used her off and on for odd jobs.

That left only one thing to do: finish a joke.

------ ----------- --------------- ----------

"Are you sure this is appropriate?"

"Don't you think we could all use a little morale boost before we head off for Commenor?"

"I suppose..."

"Come on, Gavin. It's a simple thing. Face will help us."

"Myn, I don't know. Isn't it...irreverant?"

"To who?"

"Wes."

Myn watched, glad to see a smile on his newest accomplice's face. "So you're in?"

"I'm in."

"All we have to do is set him up in the hangar..."

Ten minutes later, Wes Janson walked towards his fighter to see a short figure dressed in the conspicious orange of a fighter pilot. Assuming it was a new alien recruit for one of their assisting squadrons he moved toward the figure, not even once expecting the furry pilot that faced him from the other side of a modified helmet.

"Leiutenant Kettch," the ewok provided, offering a furry hand.

Wes glared at the ewok and sighed. "Whose idea..." Than, abruptly, he sputtered. "Wait a minute. You spoke."

"Yes, I did."

Wes turned, finding nobody, and instead spoke to the air. "He spoke."

Toothy smile, Kolot greeted, "Yub yub, Major."

Wes stood still as a rock, again saying, "He spoke."

A/N:: Final.

You may have noticed I changed this, and went back to clean up. I realized I DIDN'T want to deal with a villain change, and would rather let everyone be. Feel free to feel cheated, but I thought this would be a cleaner ending.

Thank you all for following! Enjoy!


End file.
